[mariodiana]

I don't know if you're familiar with the title (it's a classic on the subject), but my understanding is that, in China, Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is sold under the title: "The Weaknesses of Human Nature."

One more anecdote about that book. In his Playboy interview, Marlon Brando referred to it as "a book on hustling."

I bring this up because for some crazy reason, in the United States, this kind of "interpersonal communications" stuff is promoted as a great thing. And yet, like you say, it boils down to a person having an angle. I read that book when I was a freshman in college and thought it was fantastic. A little while later though I read the Marlon Brando interview, and after my initial shock I realized that he was basically right.

For every individual who develops a "genuine interest in other people" (as the book implores its readers to do), there have to be five or ten others who read that book and think only how it will help them make a buck.

At least the Chinese are unsentimental about it.

[crucini]

However Carnegie doesn't advocate self-disclosure. Quite the opposite - he advises shutting up about yourself (and your organization, product, etc.) and listening to the other person.

[1337biz]

That's the way I understood his writings as well. The older I get the more I disagree on that. It is just as important to share and position one's own identity and actively communicate it.

[pensast]

In most East Asian cultures, there's no need for this type of small talk if you can find a personal connection with them.

For example, if you are a friend of a friend of a friend, then you're "in."

Since most East Asians will refer to their cousins as brothers or sisters directly, they also consider friends of friend's to be their direct friend.

Of course if you're a stranger, then you're a complete stranger. Whereas in American culture, we are much more polite to strangers.

[wollstonecraft]

Did not believe this until http://www.renxingruodian.com/

[1337biz]

Do you have a link or other pointer to that Brando interview. Couldn't find it.

[Danihan]

Most people are nowhere near interesting enough to develop a genuine interest in.

[mmmpop]

I would agree entirely because I recognized this sometime in my early 20s and never looked back. Now I have a very, very select handful of friends that are all incredible people, but can't get along easily with 4 out of 5 people... I think mostly because I'm suspicious of why they're being personable and talking to me right now. Hell, I think Dale Carnagie made me so jaded I can't function in society, but that's mostly on me.