[jackgolding]

I doubt it will feel better until you leave the role. There is only so much self reflection you can do until you are self destructive. I think it's too late now to ask for more information, so there is nothing you can do - and this is an awful situation.

I imagine and hope it was an honest mistake towards someone who was a bit more sensitive about one of your actions and there isn't a huge amount you can do to make the situation better for anyone. You seem keen on fixing yourself which is noble so I hope you don't let this eat away at you.