[migpwr]

I think the two of you might be overlooking some of the social pressure involved in taking thousands of dollars from a close friend. If I made that offer to any one of my friends, they'd turn it down every time. They might say it's impossible, or come up with some other excuse, but most of the reluctance will come from having to see me again if their idea fails.

If you changed your offer to something like, "Hey, I've got about $5k laying around, and I want to start a business, are you interested? What do you think we should do?", you'd probably see more action.

I personally think this has more to do with your friendship than the idea of your friends being mentally "poor".

[tansey]

I think that's spot on. He may not have any idea what to do with the money, and he doesn't want to just waste your money and lose your friendship.

If we were friends and I came to you and said "Look, I've got $50,000 I'm willing to invest if you can just come up with a new drug idea and start it," you would probably tell me you have no idea how to do pharmaceutical research. Well, most people have no idea how to start a business.

[jeb]

Of course, that could be, but what I am offering him is money I don't need, FOR OUR FRIENDSHIP. I know that the money is likely to be lost, and I have already taken that into consideration. I want him to also TRY, also make that step and stop complaining.

If I really wanted something, and someone offered me the opportunity to do it, yes, it may fail and I may lose that friendship, but if that stops me, it means I don't believe in myself enough! It may fail, but it may also succeed! Yes, failure in this case may also mean losing a friend, so the stakes are a little bit higher, but as a friend, he knows that I know he is likely to lose the money. So even if he fails, I will just smile and be happy that at least he tried.

But it's the same trap, you see? He does not want to do it, because he is afraid of failing, and losing money and the friendship. So he can say no, and give that as his excuse, but is that any different from any other excuse?

In this case, I could posit that the risk is even less because I am there to help him, if the money is gone he will not be in debt, he will just be back to where he started.

And you know what? Sooner or later, friends who don't stay at the same socio-economic level drift apart. Yes, there are exceptions, but in most cases people have friends in the same economic class. So people try to bring their friends up, like I try to do, and the friends who don't even want to try, will sooner or later lose that friendship that they don't want to risk.

[sounddust]

Taking money from (or loaning money to) a friend is fundamentally a bad idea, and it's quite possible - given that your friend is poor - that he's already taken money from a friend who promised that were "no strings attached," and later lost his friendship when it turned out that wasn't exactly the case. The fact is that people are generally more emotionally tied to their money than they realize, and they end up being more upset about losing it than they thought. I'm not saying you are like this, but most people are, so how would he be capable of knowing that you're different, especially if he (or someone he knew) had a negative experience with this before?

It was kind of you to offer the money, but I wouldn't make negative assumptions about your friend for not accepting it. Consider the possibility that he has good reasons for not accepting it, and that those might be the correct reasons - that he may actually be better off without it in the end.

[jodrellblank]

Maybe because instead of "being his friend" you are telling him he isn't good enough, trying to 'fix' his life for him, getting annoyed at how he isn't trying hard enough for you.

"If I really wanted something, and someone offered me the opportunity to do it, yes, it may fail and I may lose that friendship, but if that stops me, it means I don't believe in myself enough"

And what if you don't really want something, and someone offered you the opportunity to do it, and you didn't do it, would that mean you don't believe in yourself?

But it's the same trap, you see? He does not want to do it, because he is afraid of failing

That's why you think he doesn't want to do it, maybe. That's what you think your answer would be if you were in his shoes, maybe. Do you actually know why he doesn't want to do it? Have you asked? And listened to his reply?

[ekanes]

Agreed, but the reason you'd see more action is that they wouldn't be in it alone. Starting a business is hard, and people feel pretty lost. In making that offer you'd have to consider whether or not you want (and can commit to!) truly starting a business with your friend, versus just saying you will so they'll do something. It's not an offer to make lightly.