[pm90]

> Online dating is good for people who simply have NO other avenue to meet people

Like everything, in moderation it works great. I'm a male software engineer and can relate to your feelings of not being able to meet single women naturally. But relying exclusively on online dating is kinda... uncreative. You mentioned bars. But also: coffee shops. Art shows. Music festivals. When used in conjunction, Online dating is great, because now you can invite the women you meet online to join you in the other fun activities going on in your life.

[NikolaeVarius]

I've never really understood the entire Art Shows/Music Festival angle. I've been to a few and never really been in a situation to actually talk to people.

[pm90]

Of course I can't speak to your individual experience. But these are events where a lot of people are in close proximity and hence the chances of meeting others increase.

In music festivals, the last few women that I met were: sitting next to me watching music, in a line to get beer, dancing to my favorite band etc. It seems to me the social norm in the US for the guy to first initiate contact, so you've gotta be able to do that. Women generally have never initiated conversation, except the most extroverted ones.

I like Art Shows/Museums better because they tend to attract a little more educated/sophisticated crowd. I mean, to be fair, I don't go to these places with the explicit intent of meeting women, but the last time I was in MOMA in Houston and there was a group of ladies talking about Napoleon and I couldn't resist asking questions... it was a great conversation and sharing of minds!

[logfromblammo]

I'd totally be down with a book club where the #1 rule was don't talk at book club. The club therefore consists of people willing to sit in the same place at the same time, and read their own books without ever ruining them by discussing them. Relationship interest would be telegraphed by slightly overlapping your cone of personal space onto someone else's, and hoping it doesn't make them panic and flee.

Nothing spoils a potential relationship quite like finding out the other person is a babbling idiot.

[gorkonsine]

>But also: coffee shops.

I've spent plenty of time in coffee shops. I've had a number of first dates there too. I have never seen anyone introduce themselves to someone in a coffee shop, unless it was obvious that they were planning to meet there. Instead, most people I see there are busy: they're either with a friend(s), or they're busy working on their computer. They're not there to get picked up. If I were a woman, I'd be annoyed if I couldn't go to a coffee shop and relax without a bunch of men hitting on me.

>Music festivals.

If you don't share the same taste in music, that's going to be a problem. The concerts I go to are filled with men. Besides, I've never been to a concert where people were walking around mingling and meeting each other; they were there to listen to the music, not socialize.

[pm90]

> If you don't share the same taste in music, that's going to be a problem. The concerts I go to are filled with men. Besides, I've never been to a concert where people were walking around mingling and meeting each other; they were there to listen to the music, not socialize.

I don't disagree. It can be hard to find activities which are popular with both sexes. I don't really know what to tell you, except that, I'm sorry you didn't luck out in being interested in any of those activities. I would suggest trying to develop a taste for other activities, but I don't think its in my place to ask you to do anything :). I am after all a stranger on the internet.

> I've spent plenty of time in coffee shops. I've had a number of first dates there too. I have never seen anyone introduce themselves to someone in a coffee shop, unless it was obvious that they were planning to meet there. Instead, most people I see there are busy: they're either with a friend(s), or they're busy working on their computer. They're not there to get picked up. If I were a woman, I'd be annoyed if I couldn't go to a coffee shop and relax without a bunch of men hitting on me.

I agree here as well. If you read my other comment, you will see that most of my interactions are incidental, not forced. Its hard to explain, but you have to develop a certain social awareness and curiosity.

[vertex-four]

Honestly, I've had people pick up conversation with me in a coffee shop on occasion - either they overhear me talking to whoever I'm there with about something they're super interested in, or they're honestly just bored and I happen to be nearby.