[amygdala_panic]

TBH this seems like the best option. I don't think my mind is actually nervous. I know my material, I'm happy to share it. It's the stupid lizard brain thinking I'm about to fall off a 100ft cliff and cutting off the blood supply to my brain and giving me dry mouth and deregulating my diaphragm. It's a STRONG physiological response, but I think without those physical effects and feedback loop I'd be fine.

[progression]

For what it's worth, this comment rings so familiar to me that I feel like I could've written it myself. I've read the normal speaking advice, am reasonably articulate, well-prepared, have good material (or which I like anyway), and am generally a decently well-adjusted human being, but I have a fairly severe physical reaction when it comes to public speaking. Every guide on the subject ever written talks about "everyone gets nervous" and to "imagine the room is full of friends"/"imagine everyone is naked"/"speak only to the back wall"/etc., but over the years I've realized that the type of nervous they're talking about and the type of nervous I'm talking about simply isn't on the same level.

A lot of people think that they get it, but I think that unless you have it, it's fairly difficult to understand. The result is a lot of very unhelpful advice online. Besides your comment, the only other place I've ever read similar stories are for comments for propanolol on various drug-related websites online, where many people seem to indicate that they experienced paralyzing fear from public speaking, and that in many cases propanolol seems to have help them overcome it.

I've never tried it, but I'd be curious to hear if anyone hear had anything to say about it one way or the other. I'm an IC and have been mostly avoiding public speaking lately, but am at a company right now that engages in frequent song and dance shows where people are highly encouraged to get up and give lightning talks and such for everyone else. I've managed to dodge it so far, but there's no question at all that poor speaking skills will be detrimental to my career over the long run and that I need to find a fix.

[55555]

Just try it. I have tried it. It works. It blocks the action of adrenaline so you essentially can't have a fight or flight response. This is especially important because there is a very negative feedback loop that goes from physical to mental over and over (get sweaty -> notice how sweaty you are -> pulse increases -> notice increased pulse -> wonder if everyone else can tell too -> get sweatier, etc.) that can end with a panic attack.

At least for me, I have the fight or flight response because of essentially prior trauma (minor when compared to trauma from war but still technically sub-clinical PTSD) and so "you shouldn't take drugs forever" isn't a strong counter-argument because you just need to take them until you have enough positive experiences for your dumb pattern-recognizing brainstem to chill out. Thank goodness for the gift of forgetting.

You can get like 160 doses online from India for like $17.

[amygdala_panic]

Yup, this is a definite wall in my career too. There is simply no way to get where I want to be, if I can't calmly explain stuff to my boss's boss. I dread being discovered as "that guy who gets really nervous". And of course that makes it worse.

Stay strong, brother.

[mapster]

well described. My problem is my mind goes blank. blank. and i might stammer, esp if I psyche myself up too much.

but if I just finish something physical (exercise etc), I am calm and cool as a cucumber and have no fear.

[55555]

see my other reply