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by gorpomon
3302 days ago
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Just shared this with a friend who could use some help in this dept. I think with products like this, the first instinct is to play up the potential "ick" factor, or to view it as Silicon Valley enabling the idea of privileged people looking at prospective dating partners like objects instead of people. However, I'm really for these services! I think they're fun, and they can really help people who for whatever reason have issues with social interaction. We don't berate people who get help with diet and exercise (or who try and automate it), so why throw shade on people who get help with how to talk to prospective partners. From years of online dating, I can attest that changing up your approach and trying new things is exactly what gets you some success. I wish all people were more open and empathetic online, but the truth is some people (yes, mostly women) are absolutely bombarded with messages that are at best emotionally vacant and at worst misogynistic, and that shuts down openness. Try going on a ladies OKCupid for a bit, you'll see how bad it is. Anything that can help set you apart from those messages, and elevate your conversation is in my view a good thing. As long as they don't get weird and pickup-artisty about it down the line. :-) |
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That's true, men are not bombarded with messages. They would love to be bombarded with any messages but they aren't. There is a huge disproportion between who makes the first step -- in 99% of cases it's the men. I understand that women would prefer to receive only well-written, thoughtful messages with a bit of personal touch. The problem is that when men write such messages, they end up in the waste bin with roughly at the same rate as "emotionally vacant" messages. No equally thoughtful, polite response, no any response at all. You might think that in theory the response rate should be higher but in reality it's pretty much the same. Therefore, switching to "emotionally vacant" messages is a logical behavior strategy, because it optimizes time and emotional investment per response. If making more effort produces the same poor result then why bother?
Online dating is a horrible experience not only for women, but also for men. In a different way, but hardly less embarrassing.