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by sageabilly
3308 days ago
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"Also, having a happy relationship and having kids are at odds with each other, so again you have to pick one. Either have kids and look forward to divorce and child support or at least a miserable marriage where you dread coming home from work, or find a partner who doesn't want kids and enjoy spending time with her." That's a very dark line of thinking, and I'm sorry your life has led you to believe that is the case. It's absolutely possible to have kids and a happy relationship, just as it's absolutely possible to not have kids and have a happy relationship, or have kids and a miserable relationship, or not have kids and have a miserable relationship. Also, it's possible to have a middle-class lifestyle with kids; difficult, but possible. Living in the middle states of the US, with an in-demand skillset relative to the area you live in, and a semi-frugal mindset- it's absolutely possible. In San Francisco or DC? Not so much. |
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Oh, I completely agree it's possible. Plenty of people do. But what are the odds that you'll achieve this? IMO, not very good. Considering the divorce rate, and how many kids grow up with divorced parents these days, I think the odds are actually against you. I think it makes perfect sense to avoid a situation that has a greater-than-50% chance of horrible failure (and given the struggles I see my single-parent friends going through, I don't think I'm exaggerating when I use the word 'horrible').
>Living in the middle states of the US, with an in-demand skillset relative to the area you live in, and a semi-frugal mindset- it's absolutely possible. In San Francisco or DC? Not so much.
Yeah, as with anything, YMMV. But if you're a software engineer or similar (as is probably rather common here), you're not going to do well in the middle states of the US; there just aren't many jobs there, and they don't pay that well, and you have the problem that if that job doesn't work out, you now have to pack up and move because that was the only such job within commutable distance. So we're mainly stuck in high cost-of-living locales (and to be honest, I've lived in both, and the lost CoL places have their own problems, such as lots of very conservative people and policies, making them not a lot of fun to live in).