[happynomad]

Haha I wish I was just crazy. I agree that it sounds unlikely. I also understand the temptation you express: to live in a world where the simplest and most easy-to-live-with answer is the right one: Ian Murdock "just snapped and went crazy." Snowden "just snapped and turned against his nation." "Poor minorities resort to violence to solve problems, employed upper-middle class don't ever engage that sort of thing." We don't like to live with uncomfortable truths. Unfortunately for me, I never did anything of such significance to humanity as those two--so reasonable and inquisitive minds will be relatively unlikely to look at my situation in detail.

Anyways there's a lot more to the story. I had a pretty bad reputation due to getting made a scapegoat for some things that werent my fault. I stood my ground which blew up in my face as multiple higher-ups doubled down. So I quit and their response was to close to doubled my salary, gave me a promotion, an apology, and lots of nice perks like use of a company apartment, expenses paid, etc, and asked I please just forget it ever happened. It's a long story and I could have made my life a lot easier if I just kept my head low, blended in and shut up.

[billyjobob]

Nevertheless, you should still see a shrink. If you don't like the stigma of mental illness then see one who calls themselves a 'life coach' and say you're going for advice on improving your life.

[happynomad]

Alright, well we have two possibilities here. In the case that you are wrong, you condemn a victim to a slanderous label while enabling aggressors. In the case that you are right, and given what limited information is available here, it could appear a prescient response, but the other side of that is perhaps it would be quick-to-judge at this point--which is coming across as off-putting.

Sometimes you may think you know the answer to what someone else is going through, just by having a quick listen to what they have to say. What I would say to that: It's better to be thankful you have never experienced something like this.

That said, it isn't bad for me at the moment. If this had never happened I would still be working with boring business logic software in a company run by salesman, buying things I didnt need and wasting my 20s.

Anywaya, to be honest, it is alleviating to imagine this as all a psychotic imagination. The moral and egotistical implications and questions for me, in that case, feel much easier to answer. Not to mention--I don't have to worry about a nasty person seeking a nasty deeds.

[zw123456]

I understand that surreal feeling, I had that a little bit for a while after because you suddenly just realize how vulnerable you actually are. I would not in any way pass judgment on someone else's state of mind based on only a post but for it was helpful to have someone to talk to about it (besides an attorney). For me it was my Dad, but if you don't have someone like that it is not a bad idea to seek out someone.

[happynomad]

I hear you. It's apparent how I am coming across. If something like this happens, someone must be crazy and it's easy to look at the person suffering and say, that must be it.

I don't have someone like that, nor have I ever spoken with an attorney. I would be very interested in speaking with a psychiatrist, if for any reason, just to rule out the possibility, and who knows, but at this point in my financial life, that's not really in the cards.

[cfqycwz]

Note that if you live near a university there's a decent chance they have a public-facing clinic as part of their psychology school that charges on a sliding scale

[happynomad]

Is there anything other than the use of surreal, and the general unlikeliness of this happening, that is giving this impression?

[jpatokal]

People following you, knocking on your door, speaking Spanish (which I presume you/your ex-employer don't) are both all trademark symptoms and things that a company that fired you is extremely unlikely to do (because why would they?).

Seriously, please go see a shrink. If I'm completely wrong, the cost is pretty low, but if there is something to this, it may change your life.

[happynomad]

I will. I'll have to figure out how to do it while abroad, and with funds being tight it might be a challenge, but it should be possible.

Unfortunately, I really am 100% sure it's not the case that it's imaginative--there's too much evidence. I.E. at a company after-party I quipped about something unethical/problematic one enployee who used to bully me (before I first quit) did. He started throwing bottle caps at strangers and pointing at me... Another employee witnessed this.

Some in the company joke about their political and criminal ties. Was about 150 people company and management team of about 25 was all fired... Apparently for this.

They're all sales people with personal connections who got into a company and nearly drove it into the ground before parent company kicked out all of management, but after I got bullied I fought back against some of the worthless underlings that remained. Egos hurt. Careers at stake. Etc.

Anyways while I have no doubt in my mind the company did not explicitly engage in this (it wouldnt serve any benefit to the company); likely the above mentioned person there engaged this in his free time--it wouldnt be hard to drive across town with a bunch of money and offer a job to disenfranchised youths.

While I can personally guarantee it was real, and I will see a psychiatrist anyways, to rule this out... If it was somehow hallucinations, then it all ended when I left anyways, and it never presented associated symptoms in my life. So the problem I am more concerned about is figuring out how to approach employers at this point, establish myself somewhere in the States I wont be homeless (you need proof of income to rent somewhere), and start getting productive again.

Unfortunately, I'm really afraid this does, indeed, all sound crazy, and it only detracts from getting help to solve my problems.