[laughfactory]

Even without your insane commute, your description of your life sounds like mine. I'm a data scientist by trade, married, and father of three young ones (5, 2, and 4 months). My side project is writing (I've always wanted to be a published author), and it drives me looney always being so tapped out and exhausted. I try to enjoy family life while they're young because I know they'll become more independent as they get older, but man, when I'm too tired to do anything when my "alone time" rolls around after I get the older kids to bed, and when it seems my wife and I rarely get 1:1 time, it really makes me cranky and resentful. So the writing doesn't get done, and neither does any continuing education.

What I'm trying out is getting to bed earlier (hey, if I'm too tired to do the things I value then maybe I should just sleep!), and I'm starting to exercise. I've been told that exercise helps 1) sleep better, 2) feel better, and 3) gives you more energy. We'll see how it goes!

But yeah, try to figure out a way out of that commute. Some people are able to turn their commute into productive time, but I never had the knack. My understanding is that this phase is just that, a phase, and as the kids get older it will get easier in some ways.