[_98fj]

You just might be more on the introverted side of the personality scale.

A good way to see the difference between intro- and extraversion is as follows.

Introverts have a lot of inner tension. That starts when they are toddlers. They constantly have something to think about, thus they need more alone-time than others to sort themselves out and work with their inner life. Talking to others is fine and rewarding, but recovery time is needed afterwards, so they choose their communication carefully.

Extroverts have way more inner peace. They don't need much time for themselves, they often get bored being alone. So they seek out other people for stimulation. More often than not they seek out introverts, because those are especially interesting. Talking to others is refreshing for them, it refills their batteries.

So if you see yourself on the introverted side, don't worry about it. Just accept it and give yourself the peace you need. Invite more or different guests, so they can talk to each other, while you are busy with someone.

[scandinavegan]

I've never seen this description before, saying that introverts are tense and extroverts peaceful. If you put them in an empty room, you could instead easily picture the introvert being calm and the extrovert tense due to a lack of human interaction.

I rather think that the best description of the difference is how you charge your batteries. An introvert prefers alone time to recharge and an extrovert prefers the company of other people to do the same. A social gathering with many people would drain an introvert and invigorate an extrovert. It has nothing to do with inner tension or peace.

I have seen Susan Cain in the book Quiet talk about introverts as highly sensitive, in the sense that they take in and process more information about the environment. An extrovert would love talking to their friends at a noisy bar, while the introvert would be bothered by the noise and prefer a calmer setting. Being alone is then a way of reducing sensory input to produce a sense of calm, it's not that an introvert would need to be alone to relieve any inner tension.

[_98fj]

> If you put them in an empty room, you could instead easily picture the introvert being calm and the extrovert tense due to a lack of human interaction.

That is what I said. I guess my usage of the word "tension" is different.

> Being alone is then a way of reducing sensory input to produce a sense of calm, it's not that an introvert would need to be alone to relieve any inner tension.

Producing a sense of calm IS the work of relieving inner tensions. I think here lies our misunderstanding.

When I'm talking about inner "tension", I'm not talking about any form of visible or invisible stress. Just that there is something "going on". Thought, ideas, inner monologue, some kind of inner activity.

There are people who regularly experience prolonged periods without thoughts, idea, inner monologues etc. They are routinely able to access a state of mind which could be described as happily relaxed nothingness.

[dagw]

Introverts have a lot of inner tension. ... Extroverts have way more inner peace.

I've found the opposite. Introverts are happy to be by themselves not because they need to sort them selves out but because they are at peace with their own company. Extroverts on the other hand constantly seem to need to work something out about themselves or the world around them and can only do so by bouncing the ideas off others. Many times the other person isn't even necessary more than a prop. I've had many conversations with extroverts where all I've added was "aha" and "OK" for 30 minutes while they basically monologued, only to have the other person thank me for the insightful conversation and claiming I really helped them out.

[_98fj]

"Sorting themselves out" is a loaded word, I see that now.

I agree with you. This being at peace with your own company is a result of a tendency to work on your inside, and respond to emotions and "calls" from there immediately.

The other side are people who regularly experience a state of mind which could be described as happily relaxed nothingness. No thoughts, ideas, inner monologues etc. No urgency to work on their inner life.

That isn't better or worse. It brings advantages and disadvantages.

[tbrownaw]

No, that's not a good description of the difference.

I can prefer reading or watching things quietly over interacting with other humans, without having thoughts stuck chasing rather around in my head.

[_98fj]

Please see my answer above. Inner Tension doesn't mean having thoughts stuck chasing around in your head.