[Mz]

You are projecting your issues onto someone you know nothing about. I have seen cashiers react as if they want to strip search him because he is trying to pay for a pizza. Other people react incredibly negatively to him in ways that are seriously problematic. This is a completely different situation from what you describe. His desire to avoid it when possible is in no way neurotic nor dysfunctional.

Additionally, letting him avoid it part of the time makes it easier for him to cope effectively the rest of the time. You can think of it as him having a limited people skills budget and not insisting he piss it away unnecessarily just because other people with a bigger budget don't find it to be a hardship to pay such things. For him, it amounts to being nickeled and dimed to death.

[sanswork]

>I have seen cashiers react as if they want to strip search him because he is trying to pay for a pizza.

I'm having trouble picturing what this kind of reaction would look like. Can you explain what the cashiers did that make you think this way?

[Mz]

Can you explain why you seem to be reading everything I say in the worst possible light? It comes across like you are intentionally trying to bust my chops, not understand my point.

[sanswork]

I don't think I'm reading this negatively. I'm genuinely curious as to what sort of reaction would make you think they wanted to strip search your son. The only image that comes to my mind when I think of someone wanting to strip search someone involves a cop, a latex glove snapping on the wrist and a menacing look and that seems so the opposite of every experience in a pizza place I've ever had.

[Mz]

You are taking my remarks a bit too literally. And your experience in a pizza place and my son's experience are entirely different things. Coaching him on what to say does not solve it.

We have done a lot of reading and we believe he lacks prosody and lacks the ability to tone match. This is something other people are not consciously aware is socially important, but he routinely gets that reaction that is summed up by the phrase "I don't like your tone."

In contrast, I appear to habitually tone match without trying. This gets me read as incredibly deferential, which has a different social downside. So, one thing that does work is he and I frequently shop together, everyone knows I am his mother and people generally find me likeable. They eventually conclude "He's a nice, quiet young man." and quit having an issue with him being him.

[archenemy]

Visible signs of anxiety might make the clerk think he was shoplifting. It has happened to me.

[ensignavenger]

That makes sense, thanks for the insight. But I don't think there are too many store clerks that want to strip-search shoplifters...

[digler999]

I'm responding to your comment based on the information you provided. You should direct him over to /r/socialskills. If he's neither "neurotic nor dysfunctional" then he just needs to polish his social skills.

[Mz]

You do not know my son at all. His situation does not begin to get summed up in a few paragraphs on a forum.

This right here is the arrogance I am talking about. You think you know better than I do what my nearly 30 year old son needs. Now why on earth would you think that? That is incredibly contemptuous.