[wolfgke]

> The problem comes to a head when you get the tech equivalent of "Does this make me look fat?". The vast majority of the time, people asking things like that don't want to hear the truth.

If a majority of society would answer such questions with brutal honesty, the stupid idea of asking questions where they don't want to hear the truth would disappear. This sounds like a better world. So I have to conclude the "politeness" is what prevents improvement in this section.

[chongli]

If you think people are actually interested in the lie when they ask questions like that, you've missed the subtext. They aren't interested in the answer. They know the answer. They want you to make an effort to make them feel good.

You should be flattered when somebody asks you a question like that. It means they want you to care about them. That you would resort to the brutal response might hurt them but it gives them good advice: steer clear of you.

[wolfgke]

> They want you to make an effort to make them feel good.

There are much better ways to make people feel good than lying to them when answering such stupid questions.

[colomon]

Doesn't the reason for asking that question depend heavily on context? If your wife asks you that as she's getting dressed in the morning, she may well be asking for honest(-ish) feedback to avoid looking fat all day at work. It deserves a very different sort of consideration than if she's asking you that on your dinner date.

Or have I been getting this wrong for the last decade?

[chongli]

Doesn't the reason for asking that question depend heavily on context?

Yes, it does. Maybe you and your wife are so close you can be brutally honest with each other and it doesn't hurt your relationship. The same advice might not apply to Sally from accounting, however.

[throwanem]

Yes. Truly, nothing improves a society like the constant exercise of interpersonal brutality.

[RangerScience]

Lol. Clearly!

"An armed society is a polite society"

(pointing out a parallel, not expressing an opinion)

[throwanem]

I'm not sure that is a parallel; having known several who espouse that position, I've never gotten the impression that the weapons with which such a society is armed are intended frequently to be used.