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> The assumption here is that women nurture themselves because they want to look good, I don't believe that at all. You'll nurture yourself because you'll want to do it, instinctively, without needing any willpower. That wasn't what I was trying to communicate at all. My intended meaning was that women—by wanting to look good, or to seem happy, or to put on one of the numerous other faces people expect women to present to the world—are forced to pay attention to their own bodies. At which point they will notice if-and-when they're bodily unhealthy. (And in many of the other major roles women play, they're expected to be caregivers: people who pay attention to others, and are paid attention to in turn. Women in such roles have support networks who will notice if-and-when they are unhealthy.) Men, meanwhile, usually are expected to strive toward goals that involve paying solely external attention—and often abstract attention, to things or systems or concepts more than to people. Their attention will almost never need to be on their own bodies to achieve their goals; and nor will anyone around them (in a professional capacity) pay attention to their state of being, as long as their work is getting done. The stereotype is at its strongest in war narratives: "valor" is ignoring the bullet in your calf and the stab-wound in your left side and marching on to finish the battle. Because, relative to winning the battle, the state of your body is immaterial. All other stories of "heroism" tend to have some form of this—the mathematician who abuses drugs to find the answer, the entrepreneur who gives a thousand sleepless nights to their cause, etc. Put women in those roles, and the immediate evaluation (in our culture) changes from "heroism" to "self-neglect." Which tells you a lot more about how our culture thinks of men, than how it thinks of women, since the evaluation for women is clearly factual. |
I misunderstood that, you're right.
About your wider point: you seem to put a lot of importance on societal roles ("expected to", "narratives"), and I don't think much of this (if at all) is caused by society rather than self-directed. You're arguing that women are more physically nurturing than men (which could well be true), I'm arguing that it's inconsequential as to how to make men more self-nurturing.