[dkersten]

It goes both ways.

"It's just a game" -- a game that the other people were invested in (emotionally and time-wise: he said that they had already played 3 sessions). If you spent three multi-hour sessions doing something and then a new member you invited wrecks it, wouldn't you be unhappy too?

Taking it one step further, he said " the rest was clearly disgusted" and yet didn't think that maybe what he was doing would be a problem? He could have simply asked the group at this point.

Sure, the colleagues didn't react professionally, but this guy messed up big time and seemingly didn't even notice that he did. A very quick and simple solution likely would have been to simply apologise the next day. "Hey, I'm really sorry about last night, I thought I was roleplaying my character and got carried away and didn't realise it would cause heartache." likely would have went a long way to smooth things over.

[tnone]

If they were good sports they could've gotten their revenge in the fictional realm. Or the DM could've intervened. As explained, there was an unspoken rule broken, and the response was to escalate to complete silent treatment and ostracization.

What bugs me most is the idea that OP demonstrated untrustworthiness and therefor the reaction outside the game is justified. The complete opposite is true: the clique demonstrated an inability to separate fiction from reality. If this is how they react, what do you think would happen if something actually goes wrong at work? Do you think they would suddenly drop the backstabby attitude, examine things without pointing fingers, and communicate openly about what needs doing?

I've been down that road before. Complete shitshow. Resentment only builds, and saving face takes priority over putting out fires. If the company starts having 2-3 hour vision meetings in times of trouble instead of making action plans, run away, the cancer has gotten to the brain and is fatal.

[dkersten]

I'm not disagreeing. You're absolutely right that the other people reacted badly or could have done more to prevent things from deteriorating so far. Like I said, it goes both ways and I feel that either side could have defused the situation.

But since the guy was asking for help, I think it's fine to focus on what that guy could do. Perhaps I shouldn't have focused so much on what he should have done in the past.