[colefichter]

> So being able to get through life with your basic needs and propagate is the definition of success now?

For a lot of people... yeah, that's true. When people say that HN is a bubble, they mean it.

I don't know anything about your background, but have any of your friends ever said something like "my biggest dream in life is to be a mom"? Here in Canada, I've heard that from several friends. For a lot of us on HN that might sound trivial, but we're a strange bunch in our own special ways :)

[cableshaft]

I'm from the Midwestern US, so yeah, I've certainly heard that quite a few times (dated a couple women like that, even). But I never saw that as something unachievable by most people, which I know isn't the strict definition of success, but to me, success is when you've managed to do something that a lot of people can't do.

A lot of people won't reach it, or won't bother to try to achieve it, but you have. Winning the state spelling bee could meet that criteria. Publishing a book, saving people's lives, etc.

But going to a grocery store and buying food, and finding someone willing to have sex with you until you or they get pregnant and then not totally fucking up when raising the kids is not really something that 'most people can't or won't achieve'.

People manage it all the time. Sure it's not easy, especially with the way health care, housing, education, and daycare costs have skyrocketed and made it much more difficult and stressful, but most people who want to do it still somehow manage it.

I guess I just have a different perception on what it means to be successful. I'm pretty much just arguing semantics, really, and I'm sorry for that. I'm just surprised that's considered to be successful.

[colefichter]

> to me, success is when you've managed to do something that a lot of people can't do.

> I just have a different perception on what it means to be successful.

Yep, I think these two things are the crux of the issue. The first is probably quite different to how lots of people view things. It can be really painful to evaluate your own worth/success relatively against others.

For many, I think, success is much less a relative issue than an absolute issue. Most who desire to be happy, loved, materially comfortable, and parenting probably do view success as achieving those things. Besides, if those things are what your peers aspire to as well, then you might even be doing better, relative to them, anyway!