"Please contact us with any questions by e-mailing us at the address below. All complaints and feature requests will be immediately stored using our S4-backed user request database."
/dev/null already has built-in compression, capable of infinite compression ratios. It incorporates encryption which is probably equivalent to a One Time Pad.
More optimized dataflow would include a router that blackholes packets, or, even better to use the quantum entangled /dev/null scheme outlined below (my licensing terms are reasonable, there is no reason why they shouldn't do that).