[digitalsushi]

Alarm goes off at 6. I hit snooze 12 times until it's about 7. I half doze, half ruminate on why I can't just get out of bed at 6. The hour I steal from myself gives me immeasurable pleasure. Around 7 I make it down into the bathroom, where I check political news for about a half hour. I ruminate on how unhealthy my eating habits are. I take a shower, and get out of the house by 8. On the ride in, I try to use positive thinking to set the tone for the day, but I generally fail and focus on negative thoughts. I obsess about whether living and working on the Internet have caused a reverse personal renaissance. Often I grab a high carb, high fat bagel and cream cheese, and large coffee.

Once I'm in, I log onto here for a half hour, check reddit, and try to force myself to "feel motivated". I hop onto Lync, and the underlings tell me about drama from their mid 20s lives. I get jealous of them and all the experiences they could be having, but they're locked up in the same corporation I am. We do fake smiles and get lots of coffee. I do agile meetings and track my own progress in a little web app. Once per week, a chart is mailed based off metrics I self assigned, to my manager and the director.

By 11am I start to decide if I am going to write any code for that day. If I haven't started, I get overwhelmed. Lately I have panic attacks, but I have a new doctor who tells me to stop eating carbs and drinking coffee. I lie to her and tell her I am, and then get those items on the way back from the appointment as a reward.

Tell me I'm not as alone as that felt

[gumby]

I would love to write my intended morning routine.

I don't have to write my actual morning routine because you captured its essence perfectly.

[temp246810]

Fwiw coffee makes an enormous difference for me anxiety wise.

The initial boost in energy and mild euphoria is not worth an evening full of anxiety and irritability for me personally.

Yes, that's my experience in the evening even if I have coffee at 8am.

Anyway just sharing in case anyone is struggling and looking for something to tweak.

[lostlogin]

I love coffee and have lots of it. Because I want more I have started adding a little decaf to the mix to sort of thin it out. Works great and tastes good. I'm mixing the green beans then roasting, but there is no reason that pre-roasted couldn't have some mixed in. There is a lot of good stuff in coffee so don't beat yourself up too much.

[TurboHaskal]

Take theanine with your coffee. A ratio of 2:1 theanine to caffeine does wonders.

[temp246810]

Thanks for the tip, I'll look into it and give it a shot.

That said, it's nice not relying on coffee everyday for a boost, though there are at least a couple days a week where I could really use it, esp after a night of unpleasant sleep.

[ddmf]

That sounds incredibly similar, so much so that I've just had a breakfast wrap and I'm partway through a large coffee...

But, at the docs the other day because I'm slightly depressed, and my blood tests come back with elevated liver enzymes so from Monday I'm back to walking in (only 2 miles / 30 mins) that will also block my mcd's addiction. Hopefully.

[glenda]

That was beautiful. Your morning routine is very similar to mine was last year before the company I was working for 'wasn't able to pay me anymore' -- which is possibly one of the best things that could have happened at that time!

[ak39]

Excellent. Some more details? What happened afterwards?

[wry_discontent]

Become a writer.

[coldtea]

Spot on, starting from the snooze part...

[fratlas]

Why do you think experiences are limited to mid twenties? What kind of experiences are you talking about

[cableshaft]

Probably parties, concerts, impromptu weekend trips, paying to crawl through mud for five miles, side hustles, short term relationships, and the drama involved with any of those. That stuff tends to die way down for most people in their 30s.

[K0SM0S]

I personally found (34 here) that this cliche is either a pile of poop, or badly worded for what it actually means.

It's not that we don't do these things after 30 or even 40, it's how we do them (hint: more means, wiser/less stupid about it 'cause been there, done that).

Now there's a historic truth to the cliche, but let's not pretend this is 1960 still, not even 1990. As we near the 2020's, socially everybody may work (M+F), everybody may change diapers, everybody may get drunk/high even after 40. It's not frowned upon anymore to just live, so what do you know, people just go on about living their lives, whether in their twenties, thirties, eighties... "Living" includes drama, it's just the nature of it, and there's this kid inside all of us --but as you age you're just so much better at handling said drama, and turn it into no less memorable but much more comfortable stories.

Most incredible nights of my life? Twenties for sure, even late teens. But best nights? On average it's not even funny to compare: at 34 it's so much easier to feel good with oneself and with the world. Which makes me actually much more daring personally, with work (and outside-the-box thinking), with relationships (and quirks), with my very own self.

Just to widen the perspective beyond my own anecdotal experience, I wonder: why this change between 20th century and 21st century societies? You see, when you read people from some 2,000 years ago, you quickly realize that they shared the same thoughts, the same feelings, the same life stories. Funny people back then would probably be funny today, and you could hear Romans complaining about foreigners taking their jobs and changing their culture... The human being part of the equation didn't change.

What changed is organization, and that's a long talk but essentially I feel that as we gained freedom on an individual basis, we need less "general principles" to guide otherwise clueless peoples --and this is currently still changing fast as even the perimeter/mission of the state and governments is very much in question, from corporate/money influence over citizenry, to wiki and other leaks, passing by individual rights. On the other hand, we begin to observe what the human race really is like, how it behaves, when given the freedom to set its own way (at least in the western part of the world, but surely these days "social progress" is happening everywhere regardless of political/economic freedom).

It's 11:30 and I am now going to resume work after this early morning coffee. :}

[cableshaft]

I apparently struck a nerve, sorry. I'm 35 myself, and I'm more reflecting a job I had a few years ago at a game studio, where I was one of the oldest developers there (besides the manager), with everyone else being in their early to mid-twenties.

And I don't mean I didn't do any of the things I mentioned, hell, in just a couple of years of my 30s I've met and befriended more people than in my entire 20s due to an effort I made to go to meetups and become more comfortable in my own skin, and I was going through a phase where I was attending as many performances by stand-up comedians as I could, and I even went to a couple of EDM concerts that didn't even get started until midnight...but there wasn't really any drama.

Most shit that a lot of these guys talked about in the studio that they encountered, that seemed like such a BIG DEAL to them OH MY GOD CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT? A lot of posturing and acting like you're great because you talk about all this crazy shit that happened to you this week.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this stuff can happen to people at any age, it's just that once you hit your 30s it seems less important. You've seen a lot of it before, you're trying less hard to impress everyone, and you're not going to things just to say you went to them (usually).

So you're not as tuned into it, you probably go to less of these things naturally (because you're only doing it if you enjoy it, not so you can have a story to tell), and possibly you have something else in your life that you care about saving up money for instead (like possibly retirement, maybe a much larger trip, maybe starting your own business, maybe finally paying down some of that debt you accumulated throughout your 20s, trying to figure out how the hell you're going to afford a wedding and a honeymoon, how you're going to pay your child's medical bills, etc).

And yeah, 2000 years ago a lot of people had the same thoughts as today, not denying that, I've seen it myself, and I wish more people realized we're not actually all that unique and exceptional in history after all, besides some of the cool toys we get to play with.

[K0SM0S]

No it wasn't a nerve, sorry if it came that way. I refrain from using smileys on forums but my post should have started with one :).

I very much agree with you and see what you mean, went through some of these things myself (the post-30 part). Most vividly I came back to university as a student in my late 20s/early 30s (here in France most students are 18-25, and I was with the 18-20 in class). I know what you mean about the posturing and everything. But that's the beauty of age, I could just hang with the 'normal' ones according to my perception, and ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ the others. Made some very good friends regardless of the decade gap.

Currently at 34 in my phase "starting my own business", reigniting a dream I've sorta had since I was 12.

Totally agree with your last sentence. In fact I find that the best entrepreunarial wisdom/advice may come from the first century AD, or from 1903, 1937, 2016... Because the toys changed (tools, really), but the function (organizing some process involving value for human beings) is ever the same. On a personal level it's equally true, I am personally an adept of Stoicism, which isn't exactly new, yet incredibly suited to our present time imvho.

[dpweb]

Easy way to end ALL those: Get married have kids

[fil_a_del_fee_a]

You are far from alone... Likely in the majority. Replace developer with any other type of job.