Ask HN: Critique for cold email

[ziqiaojin]

Dear insiders of real start-ups, I am visiting silicon valley shortly and want to set up meetings with companies I admire. May I have 5 minutes of your precious time and make some comment on the email I am trying to send? Thank you for your help. Dear insiders of real start-ups, I am visiting silicon valley shortly and want to set up meetings with companies I admire. May I have 5 minutes of your precious time and make some comment on the email I am trying to send? Thank you for your help.

subject: Question about * (a consumer electronics field) market

Great job founding the most inspiring * * (a consumer electronics field) company!

My name is Ziqiao Jin, I am running a (a consumer electronics field) start-up project and wish I could ask your for some advice. May I have 15 minutes of your time? It will be great if we can have coffee around February 10th.

I am interested in the (a consumer electronics field) too, have been doing research for a year now. If you want to know anything specific about the Japanese * * (a consumer electronics field) market, I am happy conduct research for you.

Thank you for your consideration.

Best, Jin

[cagrimmett]

You are asking for more than 15 minutes of their time due to transitions and responding to emails, yet you have no value proposition. How are you going to make it worth their while? How can you provide real value to their startup?

Make it short and the value prop clear and your responses will go up.

[returnbuyer]

Shorten it. Try to just ask a simple prodding question to get a response.

[ziqiaojin]

So I just ask for A meeting that is ok? No need to "show I did homework" and "prove I am worthy?"