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by gayprogrammer 3438 days ago
She describes sex as only happening in infatuation romance. She redefines sexy to something non-sexual. She details laying in bed together and being alone together in a way that most people would call boring (playing a phone game).
2 comments
viraptor 3437 days ago
I think it's the other way around and it's a big difference. She describes the popculture romance as hesitation and suspense over sex. She doesn't describe the sex as the reverse.

And the word sexy is already popular in many non-explicitly-sexual contexts. Like "intelligence is sexy", "sexy car", "sexy clothes". I'm pretty sure I've described code solutions as sexy a number of times. But unless you're into mechaphilia sexy cars are not sexually attractive.

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skrebbel 3437 days ago
Thanks for telling me about mechaphilia. That stuff is amazing!
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ZenoArrow 3437 days ago
Intimacy is more than just fucking.
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pluma 3437 days ago
For a good take on this, here's the Sexplanations video on "foreplay": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TGOSu9YuFc

TL;DW: Just like sex doesn't have to be about penetration, foreplay isn't just about touching or dirty talk.

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ZenoArrow 3437 days ago
It goes beyond foreplay (I've seen that Sexplanations video before, I like the video and I'm subscribed to the channel, it's just not what I'm talking about).

Intimacy is about sensuality and closeness. Those don't have to be anything to do with sex. For example, it's possible to experience intimacy in a completely non-sexual setting, such as a honest conversation about death. Intimacy is about the feeling of closeness to someone, not about what that closeness results in.

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pluma 3436 days ago
I'm not disagreeing. I just think the video hits a similar note -- namely that even foreplay (which is by definition related to sex) doesn't have to be "sexual".

I think aside from skewed attitudes towards sexuality the problem with the concept of intimacy in particular is that the word is often used as a euphemism for sex -- "being intimate" usually refers to having (had) sexual intercourse.

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ZenoArrow 3436 days ago
I agree, intimacy covers a broad spectrum, of which sex is just one part.
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