[mysterypie]

> nobody but my mother calls me by my real first name, and this holds for half of my cohort

Really? I've been assuming that addressing people by first name--even people you've just met--is now the default, at least for the United States and Canada. Are you in the USA/Canada, by the way?

I know that it used to be rude to address someone by their first name unless you knew them well. You had to say, Mr. last-name or Mrs/Ms./Miss last-name. I know this from old movies.

But I thought that the etiquette has changed completely: First name is fine and last name sounds rather formal. Do others have a different experience?

[kibwen]

For whatever reason, a large number of the people I know go by names that are not their legal first name. Some go by their middle; some drop letters from their first name in idiosyncratic ways; some keep the same pronunciation but have a different spelling; some change the spelling while leaving the pronunciation and then drop letters; some go by irc nicks even in person; a rare few just invent words that have nothing to do with their names and go by that. Maybe it's a unique symptom of growing up in an era where we communicate via online systems that demand unique usernames?

[nercht12]

Could be. If you've heard of someone primarily referred to by their online pseudonym, it may be less awkward calling them that than trying to guess at how they wish to be addressed using their real name. It's still awkward though.

[dragonwriter]

> Really? I've been assuming that addressing people by first name--even people you've just met--is now the default, at least for the United States and Canada.

This is incorrect. Calling people by something less formal than Mr./Miss/Mrs. <family-name> is certainly the current norm, but the alternative used is a personal choice of the person being addressed and often different from (sometimes, though far from always, a shortened form of) the legal personal name.

> I know that it used to be rude to address someone by their first name unless you knew them well. You had to say, Mr. last-name or Mrs/Ms./Miss last-name.

It remains rude to address someone by less formal terms until and unless you have sufficient contact with them to know the less formal appellation that they prefer you to use. It is more expected now than in the past that people will very quickly accept the use of less formal address and inform you of their preferred form.

It is also more common for businesses wishing to feign familiarity to presume that first name information from a customer registry, credit card, or other source is equivalent to stating a preferred form of address and consenting to have the businesses agents use that form; it is not, and quite a lot of people react badly to it. You would be well advised not to imitate those businesses.

[tehwalrus]

I really really dont like being called "Joseph" in long form. I know there are some Matthews, Benjamins and a Sybille who agree...

[nercht12]

I personally don't like the shift, even being in the younger crowd. Calling someone by their first name sounds not only presumptuous but leaves you in an awkward spot of guessing whether to use a nickname (you may heard they've been given) or their full first name. With some coworkers, it's fine 'cause we're on a friendly basis anyways, but if I don't know from Adam, I prefer people don't use my first name. It only lowers my respect for them.

[Thrillington]

Give me a genderless honorific and I'm right there with you. Otherwise, a quick correction to ask for use of a nickname seems easier and less embarrassing all around than presuming gender incorrectly.

[dom0]

> Really? I've been assuming that addressing people by first name--even people you've just met--is now the default, at least for the United States and Canada.

Nope.

> I know that it used to be rude to address someone by their first name unless you knew them well.

Correct.

> But I thought that the etiquette has changed completely: First name is fine and last name sounds rather formal. Do others have a different experience?

Outside of school/university it's simply presumptuous. Don't do it.

[Frondo]

Perhaps it's regional. These countries are both huge, with a wide variety of social norms represented. Out here on the left coast, first names seem to be the norm, as the GP poster surmises.

I can't actually remember ever being in a business meeting/academic setting, where Mr. or Ms. was used, at any point. In movies, sure, but it really does seem quaint.

[dragonwriter]

> Out here on the left coast, first names seem to be the norm, as the GP poster surmises.

No, it's not. Preferred personal informal names are the norm for anyone you've been introduced to (and are normally part of that introduction); those may be legal personal ("first" in the usual English order) names, but often are legal middle names, derivative forms of either first or middle names, or names distinct from any legal name.

[Frondo]

I'm really quite reluctant to deny my life experiences up til now on your word, telling me they've been wrong experiences. I'd guess we've just seen different things out in the world.

[dragonwriter]

I don't think we are, since the region you claim the behavior generalizes too is the one I am also most familiar with. I think you are simply making the mistake of confusing "a person's preferred appellation, which is sometimes their legal first name but very often something either subtly [as in shortened form] or radically different from.the first name" with simply "first name".