| "I've noticed that you do <X/Y/Z> to me and it makes me uncomfortable. Why do you do <X/Y/Z> to me?" Uhhmm ... well, I'm not sure this is the best approach, in my opinion. 1) By framing the discussion as 'why do you do this to me'? It makes the assumption that 'she possibly did something wrong' etc. etc.. It's just a shade accusatory, and I'll bet $100 this person will assume as much. 2) "Either she'll explain why she's a jerk, in which case you can ask her not to do that anymore, or she'll realize she'd been doing something she wasn't aware of and stop." There's no chance of the former, and a very small chance of the latter. If you're going to have a 1-on-1, I think it should probably avoid the specifics of the past (because it will just be something to argue over) - and say something like: "Hey, Mary Sue, it seems we got off on the wrong foot here, I'm pretty new, I don't know how things work, why don't you help me figure out how we can work together and get things done" 1) By being a somewhat apologetic without admitting any wrongdoing ... 2) By avoiding 'things in the past' to nitpick ... 3) By assuming some humility about 'being new' and therefore maybe not knowing everything ... 4) By not making any reference to her 'doing anything wrong' or 'being wrong' ... 5) By being 'forward looking' and 'trying figure out ways to get stuff done' ... She'll likely give you a piece of her mind with respect to what she expects in terms of working together. How she handles that might help you decide wether to stay or leave. |