| > No, but it sure as hell keeps it at bay. I would avoid this attitude. Assume there are areas where you can improve in this dimension. The fact that you're being defensive on this point here with us is not a good signal. It makes me think that maybe you are being defensive at work as well. The correct response to this is, "I'll keep that in mind and look for ways to improve." There is zero room for making statements about how good you are on this point or any other, except through action. There is no way talking up your own qualities can help. > Edit: From your perspective how can I solve it? Personally, I'd go the direct conversation route. Schedule a one-on-one, say, "I've gotten the impression that our relationship doesn't have the professional trust I would like it to. I'd like to understand what I can do better." Take radical steps to demonstrate good faith. Never complain, never defend. I was actually in this situation lately, but on the other side of the table. I had a person under my leadership who had been disgruntled and unsatisfied, and I had to go to them and basically say, I'm sorry I've been a bad lead, but I want to repair this. We had a long conversation where I basically took responsibility for every bad thing that had happened, and pledged to improve. Since then, there's been a night and day improvement in our professional relationship. If it were a peer, I might suggest something different, because bullying in this case might be a way for the peer to assert extra-organizational power over you. But this individual already has organizational power over you -- what you perceive as bullying is probably not about obtaining more power. Or it could be a rare case where the other individual has some sort of sociopathic tendencies. In which case there is probably not much you can do. But nine times out of ten this is not the situation. |
This! Use these words exactly! How she responds to this will show you what it's all about. Either she gives you concrete examples of what she thinks the problems are and how you two can solve them or she will continue as before. If it's the latter there's probably nothing that will make her change.
> Never complain, never defend.
And this! Even if you 100% in the right, complaining about person A to person B will have a significant chance of you losing face in the eyes of person B (exceptions: you either know person B extremely well (e.g. spouse) or person B has also experienced the faults of person A). Acting defensively will seem as if you're not willing to learn or see your own flaws.