[morokhovets]

> Rather I am frustrated by my lack of violation, I am not making a conscious choice to remember or forget; the decision is made for me by my flawed existence. The inability to exercise my will and make a meaningful decision over what I remember frustrates me.

You think your existence is flawed. Have you concsiously choosen this? You just happened to like the idea that you can be better than you are when you first heard of this. And after multiple tries and fails it feels/looks like something is flawed. But I think it's just a downside of that idea. Your observations clearly show that you cannot control your mind. It's just that sometimes visions of better me are in line with what's happening and sometime's are not.