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Wow, all those rejections sound painful. I'm sorry. So a few things:
First, feeling down, rejected, etc., sound pretty normal to me given what you've described. That's not to say that I think that you should simply ride it out, suck it up, etc. If it was that easy there would be a lot less suffering in general. You're clearly cognizant that something's not right, though, and the fact that you're acting on that seems pretty healthy to me. Try reddit. I can't suggest any specific subs, but I've found the communities that are supportive to be very supportive. If you're struggling with simply reaching out, that's one place I would start. Yes, please do consider a therapist (or a career coach, etc.). The thing with depression is that it horribly distorts your perspective, and as you've touched on, begins a wicked feedback loop. It can be difficult to dig yourself out of that hole, and digging in can have serious consequences. Getting in touch with someone who can provide accurate information and context about your experience, and how you want to sort things out. Sunshine and physical activity, as well as getting out in public are excellent moderators of depression. But they're not fixes. Finally, if you take only one thing from this, I hope it's this:
There's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. There's nothing wrong with seeking out expert opinion on how to manage your life. Depression is manageable, especially episodic depression, such as you describe. Please please don't let yourself fall into the trap of thinking that it's a weakness or a character defect. I sincerely wish you the best of luck on your journey. Hang in there. |