| > I know because I went through all of this personally. Apologies for a bit of a rant. It's not targeted at you specifically, but the above statement prompted it. I'd just like to say that some of the most un-empathic people I know use such statements as an excuse to judge others rather than understand them (let alone empathize). I've met more than once person who worked themselves up from poverty and because they could, everyone can and should, and those who don't are clearly just not trying hard enough. The same goes for quite a few people who grew up with shitty parents, mental health issues, religion, and so on. Now to some degree I get that; plenty of people are just excited about their solution to their problem and just mistakenly believe that if only others would do as they did, they'd be happier. In my church-going years we called these people 'recent converts'. But quite often there's more than just a little condescension to it, and I really, really dislike that. I've been privileged in many ways, and I try to be aware of that. But I've also had it hard in many ways, and the most hurtful and unproductive comments were of the 'just do <x>, it worked for me' or even the usually-only-implied "you're just not trying hard enough" variety. These kinds of statements were particularly painful if the person who said them actually had experienced similar problems, because it would give their words more weight, more legitimacy, and it would make my problem something to feel ashamed about because clearly I'm just not trying hard enough; surely they would know. The thing is, even if it's true, it doesn't help other than make those who make these statements feel good about themselves. I just wanted to say that. I do agree with the gist of you comment. Learning social skills has been extremely beneficial to me, and much of that didn't come naturally! And I wish there was a class for that for those who somehow haven't learned these things, because that sucks. |