[thefastlane]

i don't quite understand the details of your situation, but, in general, a few thoughts:

- the best way to get a serious raise is to jump companies. generally, you will build up earning power much faster by moving to a new company every few years.

- if you want to ask your current employer for a raise, don't ask for a raise until you have a BATNA -- that is, a job offer in hand from another company (or you are quite certain you can procure one in a short amount of time). if you current employer says no, you have to be ready to jump ship. this isn't about an ultimatum -- i don't know that telling them about your job offer is necessary -- depends on how you want to handle it -- but it's something you need to have for yourself. if they say no, do you really want to stick around?

- woah, no benefits? wtf. definitely jump ship asap. that is not normal. (perhaps you are on your spouse's policy?)

"I am grateful to them" -- you need to move on from this attitude. i'm not suggesting being cocky or contentious in any way, but you need to think of yourself as a professional, and take care of yourself and your career.