[perfectfire]

I went through a period of a few years where my medication was definitely helping a lot with the depression, but at the same time I no motivation or desire to do anything (I remember a few times wishing I had the desire to sit down and watch a TV show; I couldn't even bring myself to sit on the couch and stare at the TV) and I really couldn't feel emotions other than sadness and anger. The medication wasn't at fault because if I wasn't taking it, life was just non-stop intense sadness and still no desire to do anything.

My doctors sucked ass, but at least when I told them about my lack of desire they tried a bunch of different things to try and help. Lithium actually seemed to work quite well for me the first time I was on it (the second time, it didn't seem to have an effect and I can't remember why I stopped taking it the first time). It was me that eventually suggested trying anti-psychotics and I eventually suggested the one that has worked wonders for my depression and complete apathy, but they generally were willing to try anything I thought might work better than my current treatments.

It really felt like the doctors (the clinic I was at went through so many doctors. I think I had 6 in about 4 years) were just prescription writing machines and I was the one in charge of my well-being. It was up to me to do research and find things that might help me out and it kind of makes sense because how much do you think your doctor thinks about you in a month? They probably only think about your situation for the duration of your appointment and maybe a few minutes before the appointment, so maybe 45 minutes each month (if you see the doctor monthly). On the other hand, I'm thinking about my situation almost non-stop. I'm desperate for relief so I was spending multiple hours a day, maybe hundreds of hours each month, researching how I can get better. So it's no wonder that it was me that eventually figured out what medication to try that eventually made me mostly better.

[mistermann]

Any chance you could describe your workflow and some of the better resources for self-diagnosis?

[perfectfire]

Sorry, for the late reply. I didn't really have any workflow and I didn't self diagnose for depression, anxiety and narcolepsy (I did self-diagonose for hypothyroidism, I couldn't believe my doctor was denying it, but then I discovered online that this is a very common problem). I checked out the usual online resources. Wikipedia, Google search, crazymeds (no longer has forums), lots of Wikipedia, going over it again and again. The most useful information is what drugs are used for your condition off-label. Wikipedia might have that info, but it might not or just not be complete. Crazymeds would sometimes have more info. Sometimes you might only find out about an off-label use because some random internet stranger has tried it off-label. For their doctor it's one of those go-to backup meds if the more common ones fail, while your doctor is unaware it is even used off-label for that purpose. Another thing to look for is lists of medications of a certain type. Usually Wikipedia's list will be incomplete, crazymeds adds a few more and you discover even more through other sites via Google searches. And by checking the same sites over and over again I spotted completely new drugs that were listed hardly anywhere (one I tried was better than what I was on except for 2 months straight of watery diarrhea, the other I'm not really sure was better, but it was what I was taking prior to my current medication).

Out of all of the things I researched it ended up being atypical anti-psychotics, something I wanted to try because my mother had to be on them for a time. But we tried one drug, Abilify, (not the one that my mother was on), that I forgot why I stopped using, and then I found the other drug that I'm using now (Latuda) just from ads placed around the doctor's office. I looked the drug up online and I think looked at crazymeds to get more of a user's perspective and it sounded like the best atypical anti-psychotic with the best side-effect profile. So I suggested that and it worked out great. Then I was on an SNRI, Latuda, and Remeron (a tetracyclic anti-depressant I only used for insomnia caused by the SNRI) and I thought "this is a bit much", so with the agreement of my doctor I tried to get off of the Latuda, but after getting down to 20 mgs I felt bad for 3 or so days. So I went back to 40mgs and felt better almost immediately. This time I tried to get of the SNRI and I eventually did and still felt fine. And since I was off of the SNRI I didn't need Remeron to sleep anymore so I stopped that. Usually atypical anti-psychotics can be very powerful for depression as adjunct therapy along with an anti-depressant (Remeron + an AAP is colloquially called California Rocket Fuel). But I found it worked just great as monotherapy. So I didn't find what I'm on now through internet research, but I got the idea from my Mom's situation, the specific medication from ads that I further researched online (looking for technical information as well as anecdotal evidence and user experiences). Then I suggested cutting my medication down to where it is now.

I still don't have anything to treat anxiety, but I got a recommendation here on hacker news to maybe try Emsam and my doctor (who is way better than any of my previous doctors) had already mentioned trying an MAOI and Emsam is the only MAOI approved in the US that won't kill you if you eat cheese or other very common foods, so I was planning on trying that, but decided I didn't want to risk going down on the Latuda. Life has finally been good after a long time and I'd rather just deal with the anxiety than take a risk of feeling that bad again even for just a week or 2. Maybe I'll give it a try when work lightens up (probably never). There is one MAOI that is even better at not killing you for eating food and it's uses sound absolutely perfect for what I need, but it turns out to not be approved in the US. I have considered getting it online and self-medicating, but I don't feel that desperate right now. Maybe if I start to feel extremely panicked again I'll be motivated to self-medicate without doctor approval, but for now I'm finally okay.

Actually, I was talking to my sister-in-law and one of the drugs that their daughter takes is used for anxiety (Intuniv), but my doctor (after looking it up) said that that class of drugs helps anxiety more by helping with the secondary symptoms that are caused by anxiety rather than helping with anxiety itself (or something like that). And just last week I remembered that some anti-histamines are used for anxiety and so I'm going to mention that at my next appointment. I'm also going to see what users of Intuniv think of it, because if it worked for some people, then it's worth a try if I'm out of options and I hardly think it could make anything worse.