| seriously, just took a peek at the front page: "Clinton Takes Sunny Approach as Trump has Dark Warnings" (this is exactly the opposite of what I've been seeing in the final campaign speeches, Trump crowds are having a great time) "An Inside Look at Trump's _Last Stand_" (Oh, has Trump already lost? I hadn't realized, I guess I want to vote for a winner so I'll vote for Clinton) "What Ivanka Trump Can’t Sell: She has remained loyal to her father. Will that cost her?" (Oh, so supporting Trump has major life-changing costs even for his family? I better stay away from that guy) "Roller: If Trump Wins Florida, It’s Because of These People" (Oh my, not _those_ people, not _those_ un-namable people) "Even at Berkeley, I Face Threats as an Undocumented Student" (Oh, my goodness that's horrible, people are mugging this poor Berkeley student. I remember people saying Trump hated undocumented people and was going to kidnap them with SWAT teams and throw them into the Gulf, I should vote Clinton and save this poor Berkeleyite) "Has the Latino Surge Finally Arrived?" (I'm a Latino, I don't know that something like 87% of the Latino population votes Democrat, but you know what, yeah, the surge has arrived, yeah, it's more important for me to vote than any other class, the surge is here!) "In Boomers’ Sunset, Old Divide Is Revived: This race has been a rematch between two boomer factions: one yearning for the return of an idealized postwar America, the other calling to tear down remaining societal barriers." (voting for Trump is such an archaic idea, the "gool ol' days" ain't coming back grandpa, I'm with HER) "What the Markets Are Predicting: The markets seem to expect less short-term volatility from a Clinton presidency..." (Oh dear! I don't like market volatility! That means I lose money! I better vote Clinton!) "Obama Presses for Clinton, and Legacy" (Obama is more popular than both candidates, so I don't really like Hillary or Trump... But Obama is ok, and he likes Hillary... I don't actually know anything about either candidates fiscal, economic, or foreign policies, but let's go with Clinton.) "The Question for James Comey: The F.B.I. director has done immense damage by his repeated intrusions into the presidential race. Can he repair it?" (Comey is such a jerk! He investigated Clinton not once, but twice! It's not just irreparable damage to her, it's irreparable damage to DEMOCRACY. Russian spy.) Seriously, NYT. Fucking. Seriously. You're such a complete joke. |
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