[kchoudhu]

I'm taking a year out to stay at home with my new kid. I'm terrified -- my wife did most of the heavy lifting during the day while I worked last time 'round. She didn't have too many complimentary things to say about the experience.

[rooster8]

The terrified feeling... yes. We have three under two (twins and a singleton), and I felt that way both times. Especially right before the birth. Both times I was relieved to realize that things became more predictable and manageable than the worst-case scenario I had in my head. Every situation is different, but I sincerely hope yours is similarly manageable.

If you struggle, keep your mind open to looking for and experimenting with small tweaks. I've discovered that details such as how tightly a nipple is on a bottle (keep it somewhat loose so air can exchange), or looking for signals like thrashing legs (gas? need to poop?) can make a huge difference. Treat it like debugging code, if that's a domain you are comfortable in.

And may you feel no shame in reaching out for help. I've never understood humility in the way I do now, and I'm grateful that I do.

I wish you the best!

[kchoudhu]

The one thing we learned with the first one is that it takes a tribe to deal with a newborn: I simply don't understand America's desire to go it alone with newborns. I've got a list of grandparents, siblings and other assorted people coming through and staying with us for the first six months after her arrival.

After that, we're seriously considering splurging on a nanny... I like to think of it as an investment in my sanity.

[n_coats]

My first child is three weeks old and I have a very similar support group in place. Yet even with all the help, I too, am strongly considering a nanny - I feel the thought alone is an indication that I've already lost my sanity haha

[marktangotango]

We did not have support or family close by, I deeply regretted this, doing it all our selves has been really hard, and our kids don't know their grandparents, aunts uncles cousins. It's sad really.

[kchoudhu]

It is never too late to get started on building relationships with grandparents, even if your kids are now a little older. My wife and I have resolved to devote a month of vacation every year to making sure that our kids get to see their grandparents for an extended period of time.

The time spent doing this not only builds inter-generational ties but also seems to build up our parents' health: we have found that they perk up and snap out of old age haze when their grandchildren are around. In the long run, this can only be a good thing.

[shostack]

It's not a complete substitute by any means, but FaceTime and video chat in general have done wonders to bridge those geographical gaps.

[s_kilk]

Yeah,

Our first is due in April, and this thought bums me out a bit. But we live in different countries, and moving home just isn't an option, so, shrug.

[kchoudhu]

I hear you man. We're in Qatar, and one set of grandparents is in LA, and the other is in Bangladesh.

I am fortunate in that I can take time off to meet our grandparent obligations, but damn it would be easier (and CHEAPER) if everyone was in one place!

[pavel_lishin]

It's not scary - on a day-to-day it's just mostly deeply exhausting.