[Jugurtha]

I get you, c13k. This is why I upvoted your first reply and I answered with something other than "how dare you not be nice". I knew there was more to your comment than what it let appear.

The part where you say you could have penned the article yourself? I deleted that before I posted my reply because I didn't want to bother people in here. My plant/process is wrong and I can't think clearly. I have no experience, no job, and no skills I can think of and still don't live alone. I was so focused on trying to be a success my way, it incremented the number of days I was a failure in the eyes of the people who are dearest to my heart. There are few things that hurt more than being considered a failure by your loved ones when everything you're doing, you're doing to take care of them. Though as certain as I am my situation could be better, I am certain it could be worse. I notice that and try to enjoy the things I do have, like family. But there's a divide that was created trying to be a success without even the success. I chased trains going opposite directions and ended on none. Love from a failure isn't worth much. I was in a lot of trouble during college and my wish at the time was that none of my old parents die before I graduate. I chased my ideas in a race against time.

I still have a few friends, the only ones I will probably have. The ones who didn't indulge in schadenfreude and where there for me. I won't lie to you and tell you I'm not saddened. I'm almost 30 and would have loved to spend time with my family while I lived with them. All the trips you don't go, all the pictures on which you're not, all the occasions you were absent. Time is not something to be messed with and we tend to take things for granted. I used to know that, then something changed and I forgot.

But it could be better as certainly as it could be worse.