| I've done lots of therapy. Really! It's very sweet how worried everyone in this thread is about me, but maybe I've painted a dire picture. Time heals all wounds. I'm only 25, it's only been 6.5 years since I was last homeless. Even though it hasn't been too much time, I already feel quite a bit better: * I used to have anxiety attacks and heart palpitations nearly nightly; now, it happens maybe 2x a year. * "Money isn't everything - unless you don't have it." Without financial stress (yay corporate programmer salary!), I am much calmer and happier. Most people on HN are men so I don't know if you will understand this, but women (at least in the US) are often pressured to go into a "do-gooder" career. People look at me like I'm a snail when I say that I care first and foremost about being financially independent, but I've learned to ignore it. * I've completely cut out toxic family members and learned to ignore any asshole that says "you will regret not having a relationship with ____ when he/she is gone"/"the bible says 'honor thy mother and thy father'" etc. If you say these things to someone coming from a family of abuse, you are very tone deaf. No one cuts family out of their life on a whim. * Everyone talks about "not being a victim", but for me it was a very healing thing to admit that there were a bunch of bad situations where I was surrounded by bad people and did nothing wrong. Maybe it was pride that kept me from admitting this. Maybe shame. Maybe misplaced affection. Whatever the reason, once I shook this off I was able to move on. In summary: it's okay to admit you've been a victim. It's okay to cut toxic people out of your life. It's okay to be selfish and "materialistic" sometimes. It's okay to ignore people judging you for things that they cannot understand. Once I learned these life lessons, I left behind a lot of my issues. The more "physical" ones, such as startling easily and having nightmares, are relatively lightweight compared to the more insidious psychological damage caused by years of living with addicts and being treated like my needs were secondary to those of everyone around me. I don't know if anyone reading this could be in the same situation as my teenage self, but if you're out there: please tell everyone trying to use you to go kick rocks. Know that you can do a lot of very awesome things, as long as you keep your mind open. And you are not "broken"! I won't lie and say Nietzsche was right about "what doesn't kill you" -- but you're never broken, not until you give up. Don't do that. |
I am your age, you make more than me, and I came from much less dire straights...
In a way, many people could even envy your experiences for the drive it gives you. I have toxic family members and I can tell you from experience that a drug addict in the family is an extra anchor to a sinking boat.
> please tell everyone trying to use you to go kick rocks
Some people think they have 'friends' but really they need to learn this lesson.
I almost have a guilt that I grew up with any amount of money at all and would be very willing to do anything for others, thinking I owed it to them.
You've learned some really important lessons through your life, and you're an inspiring person to have read about.
Thanks again for sharing.