[tmp-20150107]

I know exactly how you feel. I fell into the same trap with heroin, and now, as you point out, it controls everything. But, again, it wasn't a bit-flip from normal to junkie, it was a slow process, then one day I realised that yes, the bit had flipped, and there was nothing I could have (easily) done about it, except to have led an entirely different life and been a different person. And that's the problem. After twenty years of heroin addiction, it defines you, in a way that makes it hard to give up. Rationally, of course, you know you should; but the habits become so ingrained that it can be hard to see how to change. The only time I managed to quit for longer than a few weeks was when I had a naloxone implant surgically inserted that made it physically impossible for opiates to work. Six months later, when it stopped working, I was back on the drugs, just to see if it was OK to try it, and within a week - blam! - addicted again... I know this sounds depressing, but I do feel there is scope to get out. But, if you are introverted like me, then heroin will have increased and strengthened that bubble around you, making a barrier between you and anyone else. It's hard to form close friendships at work when you have to lie all the time about a huge part of your life, your drug habit, and the isolation feeds back into more heroin use when you're alone, as a vicious cycle. So, quitting on its own is never going to work. You must (and this is what I am trying to do) replace the drug with something else, a hobby, some form of socialising, and work hard to make that a part of you, a part of your life, instead of the drug. And that also means cutting off your junkie friends, starting fresh, which when you're in your forties or fifties is no easy task - by now we've made most of the friends we'll ever have, and starting again is difficult. So, sorry I don't have any good or easy answers for you; but I wish you good luck going forward, and I definitely share the pain, and know how hard it will be. Take care!