That's a relief! Glad to hear the plan is on hold.
Hey, noted you writing about not being into this "fight this thing" ("neighbor") but curious how this turn of event alters your views. Just purely in the emotional and psychological sense, does this all of a sudden having an extended expected horizon, doesn't [it] seem like future could be anything in the realm of possible. (I apologize if this is too personal.)
Well, I'm steadily losing weight, down to about 65kg now from 76kg when I was diagnosed. I'm finding it harder and harder to eat, and I've steadily increased my painkillers from 10mg to 50mg or more per 12h.
So, clearly, things are not getting better. I'm dying and it is just a matter of what bed I die in, and whether it'll be a vital organ like the liver that gives up first, or euthanasia if the breathing gets too hard, and the pain too much.
What the extended horizon does is let me write a little more in that article (there are still stories to tell) and wonder if maybe it'll be enough for a book.
Weirdly the main emotion I feel is a kind of embarrassment at raising a false alarm that gets so many people worried. Also, happiness of course to still be alive and see my family & friends and chat a little more with people on the Internet :-)
I love books. I'm finishing for the first time the Foundation Series of Isaac Asimov.
You know what's frighten me? When i read him, i kinda connect with him, his beliefs, fears, opinions, view points ... his soul. Problem is: guy is (physically) dead for over a decade. But when i read his books, it's like if he is alive.
I started reading Confessions of a Necromancer and boy! it's amazing. I'm sure, deep inside, it's a masterpiece and a way for your mind and soul to survive all difficulties you are facing now.
So you are not dying, indeed, you are probably living more then most of your entire life before. Even if your body is in a bad shape, you true self are getting better and better.
Sorry for saying this like that, but keep up the good job!
There's nothing quite like facing one's imminent dissolution to focus the mind.
Some years back, after watching someone very near and close go through and eventually succumb to a situation similar to yours, I used travel as one of my coping and recovery mechanisms.
Came a point on the trip where I found a very high and sheer promintory. I took the opportunity to consider just what it was that made staying alive worthwhile. Few if any religious or philosophical justifications do much for me.
The Talking Heads lyric, "heaven is a place where nothing ever happens" came to mind. And with it the realisation that there's only one sure-fire way to find out what comes next, and that's to be there for it. Regardless of whether that's good, bad, or indifferent.
I've found the argument convincing to date.
I'm also loving your posts and engagement. I've thanked you for them before, but here it is again: thanks.
That's very profound, and I'm glad I was able to discover these writings just today. I also think that the need or desire of transcendence is what drives us to create great things.
lol, yes, Asimov also writes stuff in the preface like he's 35 and people tell him they thought he was long dead, because even their grandparents read his novels. Which gives the feeling he's still with us.
OT: Is foundation better than pebble in the sky and his short stories? I like his philosphical views, but his science ideas feel real outdated to me.
Asimov's science ideas sound outdated in some cases because they became science fact. For example his 1945 proposal on communications satellites in geosynchronous orbit ... Www.lakdiva.org/Clarke/1945ww as quoted in Wikipedis. First successful satellite launch to Earth orbit was Sputnik in 1957. Stuff Asimov proposed 71 years ago is the basis for Pokemon Go ...
I suspect you've got Clarke and Asimov mixed up there. The article that you linked ( http://lakdiva.org/clarke/1945ww/ ) was written by Arthur C. Clarke.
Clarke was a bit more grounded in the harder science fiction disciplines (Fountains of Paradise with its space elevator) while Asimov tended more to the software side looking at psychology and sociology, empires and the people.
I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experiences! I think you are a great inspiration to me and many others, for when our inevitable moment comes. It occurred to me that we are not really prepared for 'the art of dying' (sorry, for the lack of a better term), it is somehow a large taboo.
Still having fond memories of installing Xitami as a kid :-).
Considering your condition it would obviously have to via oral. A CBD tincture would probably be the best path so you could titrate in more controlled manner. It should help with the pain as well (and keep your mental clarity).
Your writing is delightful, thank you for sharing it with us.
> happiness of course to still be alive and see my family & friends and chat a little more with people on the Internet :-)
:) For what it's worth I wish you the full measure of more comfort and happiness.
So in terms of your legacy, I was wondering a while back regarding the split in ZMQ & the news of your health that do you feel you have achieved your broader goal of establishing governance model driven OSS as the basis for new organizations, taming the beast of ego :) More to the point: do you think ZMQ, as an undertaking, will continue to evolve as intended? (Kinda of like Apple: is Apple really Apple without Steve Jobs, so of Q.)
Hey, noted you writing about not being into this "fight this thing" ("neighbor") but curious how this turn of event alters your views. Just purely in the emotional and psychological sense, does this all of a sudden having an extended expected horizon, doesn't [it] seem like future could be anything in the realm of possible. (I apologize if this is too personal.)