[DaniFong]

I think one of the problems is that the solutions people offer usually don't make sense for some reason, possibly complex, emotion driven, with a lot of past history that's difficult to reveal, and difficult to communicate. Offering a solution that ignores all of these issues, which are likely present but would take days to untangle, seems slightly arrogant and ignorant, and thus annoying. Often times the advisees are too nice to explicitly say that the solution doesn't make sense, or are too reserved to explain the reasons why it doesn't make sense, so they just get annoyed. This annoys the advisors, who just want to help.

This isn't confined to boys and girls. Imagine parents saying -- "Kids! Do X! It is good for you!" The response is of course "but you don't understand me!"

This is the problem. It's hard to hear advice from someone you don't think understands you. For whatever reason, boys in this culture have a lower threshold for giving advice (though who knows who's more likely to actually take it).

The process of being listened to isn't mere venting. Being able to tell your story helps you to understand it. The solutions you come to will be your own, and you'll feel more confident about enacting them. Hardly anyone follows advice anyway; the storytelling and listening process seems just as a effective as a collective decision making strategy as giving advice directly.

[joelhaus]

Well put.

To take this a step further, one can actively listen. By asking the right questions (frequently, posing them in an open ended way; using the word "how" is effective), you can encourage the person to examine their problem from a different perspective. The other benefit is that you gain a better understanding as a result.

Therapists commonly use this approach.

[stavrianos]

It's terrifically easy to solve a problem you know next-to-nothing about.