[hesdeadjim]

First off, re: the "but everyone around me seems to be perfectly fine" line. Everybody may look fine, but what is going on under the surface might be entirely different. When I was in the darkest depression of my life only a few select people close to me even knew how I was feeling. To the rest of the world I put on a good display of acting happy and motivated, but on the inside I felt directionless and... empty.

Anyways, after reading your post and comparing it with my experience I would say you sound depressed. Life seems to have lost meaning, the things that once gave you pleasure no longer do, etc. If you see a psychiatrist they will most likely recommend an anti-depressant. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. I take a small dose of Celexa that leaves me feeling no side effects whatsoever and removed the suicidal thoughts and feelings that used to wash over me like a tsunami.

However, in my opinion (and let me stress that it is an opinion, I am not a doctor or psychotherapist), drugs alone don't seem to work well. Things didn't change that much for me until I was forced to face my alcohol problem. As a consequence of doing a 12-step program and facing my fears, insecurities, and resentments, I began to find some measure of peace and fulfillment that I had always found lacking. My life began to change, I began to feel a sense of purpose and excitement to life, and my depression eventually lifted completely. I have also discovered a spiritual side of myself that I never expected to find.

I'm not sure if that helps at all, but at least know that you aren't alone and that things will get better if you are willing to make changes. Hope the road is easier for you than it was for me!