[pjc50]

I believe the term is "communities of choice". In a small community there is only one community and everyone has to be in it, for good or ill. In a city you can make a much better community suited to you - but it requires active effort to maintain that link, so it's much easier to fall off and become invisibly alone.

[jomamaxx]

I agree - except that 'communities of choice' are far more fleeting than otherwise. In 'communities of choice' - nobody cares about old people, for example.

'Communities of choice' work when you're young OR when you're part of a specific ethnic group (say Somalis in Philly or whatever) - which is in many ways like a 'small town' within a city.

[warfangle]

The flip side of course, is if the small community shuns someone they have no other communities to migrate to without a geographic migration.

(What you are describing did happen to me a long time ago, and it did take a long time to work my way out of it. So It's a completely valid point)