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> How do I, as a 27 year-old Grad student invite women for coffee without them feeling it might be a 'trick-date', or having them not get comfortable? Please don't do this. Make your intentions very clear. "I find the fact that you love old botanic illustrations and go to flea markets every weekend to find them sexy about you." (where X is not her appearance, of course). "I'd like to buy you a coffee and continue this conversation." If there is one thing my women friends may agree on, it is the ambiguousness of a meeting, particularly if they are interested in the person. Changing gender roles aside, the man has to take the lead. There must be polarity in the relationship from the beginning, otherwise it won't even start. This is the classic "friend zone", in which the window of opportunity exponentially fades away and trying to make the relationship romantic will burn the friendship. Yes, the woman chooses if she wants to accept. Make it easier for her to say not. If she says yes to an ambiguous thing, she has to consider the possibilities. So, in fact, it may be easier for her to say no or give an indefinite "maybe" which is in fact a no. One of my women friends who works in tech was lamenting recently about how guys would invite her to coffee wanting to learn more about her research. And then it would become clear that they just wanted an excuse to ask her out for coffee (a date). It is awkward for both sides. Consider this - if one of these coffees becomes a date or more, she fears word will get around that, yes, she will "date" people in her tech community. |