[nostrademons]

Interestingly, that wasn't at all what I took away from it. I thought it was about self-awareness and empathy - about understanding that how you are perceived by other people is not necessarily how you perceive yourself, and has more to do with how you fit into their lives than how you fit into your own. You can use that knowledge for good or for evil, and indeed, I thought that Carnegie was encouraging you to use it for good. There is no contradiction between making others feel good and doing well for yourself; if you come to an agreement through flattery and both sides are happy, then you've done well for both of you.

(I understand - and used to subscribe to - the other side as well, that this feels fake, like you're just being manipulative. But that presupposes black & white motives and zero-sum interactions. You can want others to feel good and to do good for them and to do well for yourself all at once, and in most situations there will be no contradiction between all of these. And if there is no external contradiction between them, the only thing that prevents you from making everyone better off is your own psychological hang-ups.)