[ams6110]

tread water financially compared to your dual-income friends

Screw that. Don't judge your life by how others live.

My newest car is 12 years old. I have a wife, kids, and a good job and could easily have new cars every few years but instead I have no debt other than mortgage and I put the money into my retirement and college savings. I don't begrudge the choices of my friends who like to buy a lot of new things but I also don't feel any obligation to live the way they do.

[linkregister]

Clearly you don't live in the Bay Area or you bought in before the house price jump.

Treading water financially is an accurate way to describe life in the Bay Area for families with a stay-at-home parent. The modest standard of living you describe about yourself significantly exceeds what could be expected for the median software developer in the Bay Area. Families with incomes below that would not be able to sustain their cash flow without a commute that exceeds 90 minutes or exposes them to unacceptably high levels of crime.

[dwaltrip]

Maybe more people should move out of the bay area? Especially if they have kids? It's so much cheaper essentially everywhere else. Even with a salary cut I would imagine it's worth it in many situations.

[linkregister]

Yeah, I'm not disagreeing that the economic unit versions of these families would move to a place with a better salary/cost-of-living ratio. Moving takes time; the advent of eye-popping living costs in SF is less than 4 years old. Moving a family is a big deal. There is data that suggests that moving children in their teens more than doubles their risk of mental illness and criminal behavior. Certainly the U.S. has the lowest barriers to relocation, but it's not a trivial undertaking.