[devishard]

Why is "Can I have kids with this person?" considered more interest in the person than "Can I get experience dating with this person?"

I think you're being pretty arbitrary in deciding that one of these is an attribute of the person and one isn't. I don't think that there's any basis for making that distinction.

What I'm seeing here looks a lot more like a visceral reaction that I see from a lot of people who come across some form of intentionality in seeking romance. There's an underlying idea that the only "correct" way to date is to just let nature take its course somehow. Any attempt to metacognate in that area is seen as dishonest, trying too hard, manipulative, etc. Here, you're characterizing the other person's intentions as "serious", implying that dating to get experience dating isn't serious. But for someone who finds their lack of dating experience crippling and yet, as a human, is to some extent unable to find happiness until they can find good relationships, getting dating experience is a very serious goal.

But in the end, dating is just about people meeting their goals. The initial stage is figuring out the other person's goals and seeing if they're compatible with your own. So I don't think we have any obligation to go into dating with any specific goals. As long as we're honest, open, and kind about our goals, there's no harm if our goals don't align with someone else's. Sure, maybe the other person is serious about forming a long-term relationship with you, but it's not your responsibility to meet that need; it's just your responsibility to be honest about your goals so you don't lead them on.