[cubix]

Have you noticed the difference between when you are feigning anger compared to when you are actually angry?

I've been meditating on this for a couple of minutes and I can't recall a time where I was pretending to be angry when I wasn't. Occasionally, I'm guilty of pretending not to be angry when I definitely am. Anger isn't the most socially acceptable emotion, anyway. What would be the motive for feigning it?

[shiro]

Feigning angry is one of basic but effective way to control other people (including yourself). It's so fundamental that most people do not realize they're pretending. Well, in a sense, they are angry, but it's because they subconsciously feeding their anger. In most part of daily life, true and spontaneous anger is like a spark. It fires but the next moment it's gone. It is your choice to feed fuel to keep it burning.

To make things interesting, it is sometimes layered. You feed anger, but then pretend you are not angry. Sometimes you believe you are not angry, but in fact you are, and you choose to be so.

Pretended anger is also frequently used to mask other emotions, typically fear. It is effective way to hide undesirable emotion from other person or even from yourself.

[sobriquet]

I see his point more as acting angry because social norms say you're supposed to, rather than you're actually feeling angry. It takes a lot for me to get truly angry, but I think I've acted out in anger before to fit in with expectations or get something I wanted.

For example, if a friend accidentally dents my car out of carelessness, I may blow up at him to convince him that he should be more careful. I'm likely not all that concerned about the dent, but just brushing it aside as no big deal doesn't do much good for either of us (or the next person he hits).

[whimsy]

Surely the more expedient and effective reaction is to address it immediately, but calmly - inform the person of your grievance and implore them to alter their behavior, but do so without the anger, as that can damage your relationship.

Or is the facade of anger better?

[philwelch]

No, people respond to displays of anger. And if the other person's convinced you were in the right, it might not even damage the relationship in the long run.