[smelendez]

One problem in New York is that the vast majority of people who try to talk to you on the street want something--they're selling something, canvassing for a candidate, begging, creepily flirting or running a scam--and another big segment are under the influence or mentally ill. Usually the best case is a lost tourist asking for directions. The worst case, that everyone's aware of, is someone trying to get you to stop walking so they can assault you and/or rob you by force or trickery.

[careersuicide]

I was actually just about to post this, almost word for word, before I read your reply.

I often see lamentations about people not being friendly to strangers in big cities. I've never quite understood it. It's one thing to not greet or acknowledge a person if you're already having some sort of interaction with them, i.e. holding the door for someone as you leave a store. Of course you should say something or at least smile and node politely, perhaps making brief eye contact, in that case. But, outside of situations similar in nature to that I actually think it's pretty rude to accost strangers in a crowded public place. People are going about their business and you're attempting to force them to give you attention, even if that's not your intent.

Experience has taught me that above a certain threshold of crowdedness the only people who are greeting me want something from me in at least one of the ways you mentioned. Everyone else is out and about because they have something to do. When I go to the middle of nowhere Kansas from time to time things are different. There you wave to passing cars and say "hi" to everyone even if you've never seen them before. The odds that some random person is going to try and sell you a watch at the intersection of Main St. and State Highway Whatever is pretty much zero. And, there aren't a hundred other things attempting to distract people so demanding a brief bit of their attention isn't rude at all.

[chrisseaton]

This is my problem with strangers saying hello out of the blue - they think I should stop everything and give them my attention. And in their head they think they're doing something selfless!

[tunap]

Yep. A nod will suffice for greetings in almost all public spaces. When I recognize the tell-tale signs I've been 'marked', I am always prepared to respond with the unusually effective "negative" response and leave it at that.

[rquantz]

If nothing else, in many NYC neighborhoods it would be simply impossible to greet every person you see.

Still, there are plenty of residential neighborhoods where no one acknowledges each other on the street, and there is no sense of neighborliness. Paradoxically, given this article, I find that the more wealthy a neighborhood, the less likely you are to be greeted by a stranger. The poorer the neighborhood (I would imagine down to a lower bound – I seldom go to the truly poor neighborhoods simply because they are so far from the city center in New York) the more likely that greeting is, especially in a black neighborhood like Bed Stuy or (when I first moved here) Harlem.

[partisan]

When I was in Harlem the last time, there were a lot of greetings thrown around. Mostly, it was the older guys. The younger guys didn't seem to expect a greeting. I grew up in NYC and in my neighborhood, you saw people greeting each other through the 80's, but when the 90's rolled around, it changed and people stopped trying to know each other in any meaningful way.

[robryan]

In Australia what I hate is when people stand outside supermarkets or on shopping strips and say anything to try and get you to stop so they can sell you on something.

This might be okay if it was someone trying to tell you about a cause that they genuinely believe in but the majority of the time it is likely someone just working on a commission for whatever charity or group they are trying to sell you on.

[gaius]

They are called "chuggers" here, charity muggers. Ironically many are Australians on their gap years - you know the sort, white, dreadlocks, wearing sandals and various pseudo-Indian jewellery.

[lozf]

I've heard them called "chunts" before.

[meddlepal]

Yea, totally agree with everything you've said about it being defense mechanism, but the behavior tends to manifest in all aspects of our life and in places where it should not. For example, when I'm sitting in bars and where it's reasonably safe I'm still fairly reserved and I get annoyed when the guy to the left or right of me starts trying to make unsolicited conversation. It's not just me either, when I was younger and first started going out I learned pretty quickly people don't like be disturbed around here any more than I do now.

[dazc]

Common occurrence in the UK now is for some sob story about needing bus fare/train fare etc. It is surprising how many people fall for it though.

[rquantz]

I always give a dollar to the first person who asks for it in any given day, regardless of whether I think they deserve. If they're asking for money, they probably need it. I don't think telling people they need it for bus fare is a scam, it's just another strategy.

[dazc]

My general experience is that people asking for money don't need it, not in the sense they'd starve without it anyway.

In the UK people asking for money straight out are usually drinkers. Drug users and scammers tend to want more than loose change hence the more elaborate stories.

I should add that I have been homeless and without money. One time my only option of eating was stealing food or asking for money. I chose not to eat.

I could walk you round a city in the UK and I could point out the real homeless and desperate people that you would never see - mainly because these are not the people asking for money.

I appreciate there is a huge difference here between UK and US since we have a welfare system that is many times more generous than yours. The people you encounter may indeed need the money?

[rquantz]

You present "I chose not to eat" as if you made the moral choice. But there is no shame in asking for help if you need it. I don't have illusions about what most people asking for money are going to spend it on. Honestly, they have to deal with loneliness and destitution somehow. That is why I specifically say regardless of whether I think they deserve it.

[dazc]

"You present "I chose not to eat" as if you made the moral choice. But there is no shame in asking for help if you need it."

Which was my point really. Of course there is no shame in asking for help but not everyone does. It's partly why I ended up homeless.

I applaud your generosity though.

[rorykoehler]

I always found New Yorkers to be exceptionally friendly and not in the way you describe (ie wanting something). It's one of the things I love about the place.

[return0]

I believe newyorkers are friendly everywhere. Sometimes overwhelmingly so. Its their thing