[TheOtherHobbes]

Today's DM also has:

- Royal Navy cadet, 27, who had oral sex with guest at college dinner dance later raped another woman in her cabin after telling he was going to 'f* her brains out'

- Woman teacher is burned alive 'by her boss' after she turned down a marriage proposal from his son in Pakistan

- The Home Office farce that will make your blood boil: Hard-working family who run Monarch of the Glen shop are ordered to leave Britain, but a convicted Iraqi child abuser and an Albanian killer can stay

- Dalai Lama says 'Germany cannot become an Arab country' as he warns that Europe has taken 'too many' migrants

It's Buzzfeed for pensioners whose hearing is so bad they only respond to wolf calls and dog whistles.