[11thEarlOfMar]

[0]

There are so many reasons why the whole marriage thing is a boondoggle. The most pithy is: 'Women marry men, expecting they will change. Men marry women, expecting they won't.' More often than not, both wind up disappointed.

Erring a bit more scientifically, the male and female brains are genuinely structured differently and process sensing input differently [1], [2]. It's no wonder they respond to the same situations differently. An anecdote: I've asked dozens of people: "What would you do if you were walking down the beach and you heard the screams of a child drowning?" The men unanimously say they'd dash to the water, tearing their clothes off as they run to the rescue. The women, not unanimously but overwhelmingly, say they'd run to get the life guard.

When the stakes are high in a marriage, agreeing on how to react can become very difficult and disagreement can lead to schisms in the relationship. It might be a disabled child, a layoff, a drunken one-night stand, serious accident, or any number of misfortunes. These misfortunes will push people into emotional territory they may have never been in before, and you can't know in advance how they'll react.

In the end, if you decide to marry, you're taking it on faith that the two of you will remain committed no matter what. You really have few indicators to go by.

[0] Speaking strictly in terms of man/woman marriages, the only place I have experience.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Female_Brain_(book)

[2] http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/28/books/review/Bazelon-t.htm...

[nostrebored]

[0][1][2] I still can't honestly believe that people actually believe in brain sex. Swathes of neuroscience researchers have told you that it's disingenuous, it's a classic tool of projecting inferiority onto women, and it ignores the reality of neuroplasticity. The brains of taxi drivers are different than the brains of the general population -- does this mean that we consider them to be naturally born to be taxi drivers?

Your anecdote reeks of social conditioning. This is literally a social trope.

My partner and I make decisions together and rationally, figuring out the best course of action for the two of us. Miraculously, even with her lady-brain, we're able to come to a consensus and agree with each other before talking the majority of the time.

[0] http://www.sciencemag.org/news/2015/11/brains-men-and-women-... [1] http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/talking-back/is-the-brai... [2] http://gender.stanford.edu/news/2011/is-female-brain-innatel...

[antisthenes]

I just want to point out that even though the brains are equivalent, the sexual strategy for men and women is completely different and that's okay.

The differences in behavior can be explained by choosing the optimal strategy, rather than some deterministic brain chemistry.

[antisthenes]

This is slightly off-topic, but generally drowning people don't make sounds, as they're gasping for air or have their lungs already partially filled with water.

In both cases it is really hard to make loud sounds and most people would probably not recognize 'symptoms' of drowning.