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Trying to change yourself to please others will never, ever work. There will always be something "wrong" with you and you will never be confident or content with yourself, and as others have said here, that's a very underhanded thing to say to anyone. Such statements provide no actual feedback. It hurts, but you have to let that slide and move on. You need to learn how to accept and be confident in who you are. You must not be defined by others, you are defined by you. Your likes, dislikes, etc are yours and yours alone, and letting other people dictate these for you is the path down depression, loneliness, and insecurity. One specific piece of advice that I haven't seen others mention here is your statement about avoiding conflict. It's always a terrible idea to avoid any conflict, because ignoring and pushing issues down will always lead to those issues exploding at the worst possible moment, doing the most damage. I was also bullied a ton as a child, so I fully understand the sentiment. The key here is communication. When you are hurt, when you are concerned, when you have questions, voice them! Talk to people! Talk to your partner. Talk to your friends. Let people know that you are dealing with something internally. The earlier you bring up potential problems, the quicker, and better, they can be resolved before they end up as a full blown conflict. I'll admit, this is very hard to do in a society that promotes hard, emotionless shells in men. Emotion is what makes us human. To deny that you have emotions is to deny not only who you are but you are denying who you are to others as well. What you will quickly find out is that everyone deals with the same kind of issues, and working through them together is how you start to be comfortable and confident in yourself. One question I'd love for you to answer for yourself is why do you feel that "only going for beautiful women" is directly correlated to that person liking you, or that it's important in a relationship at all? Conversely, why should that person like you if you don't feel that you are as attractive? What is it you're trying to accomplish? Are you looking for a deep, long-lasting friendship and intimate relationship with someone? Are you looking for someone you can show off to others as a form of personal validation? Something else? I would highly recommend being able to answer these questions, and being confident in your answers, before diving back into the dating scene again, or you will probably end up in the same location, wondering why it went south again. |
Growing up with bullying and beatings, kinda wires your adult brain to seek out relationships with controlling people. That's its comfort zone, it doesn't know how else to be in the world.
One way to start rewiring, is to figure out what YOU want in a partner. I don't mean looks, but qualities and values and behaviors. Assume you had a relationship with a beauty - how would you want that beauty to ACT, toward you and toward others?
Sadly, physical perfection is a really inefficient criterion for your primary sort. It's fun for about a week ... but then you're stuck with whatever random stranger is behind the mask.
Could be that your manliness is just fine, but your picker needs a tune-up.