| Hey, don't knock skydiving -- Life is never simpler than it is in freefall with 6 seconds till impact. The way I see it, you're presenting two distinct but related problems. The first is that you're choosing romantic partners poorly. And this is just a hunch -- but I think you're choosing women not because you are attracted to them but because you think other people will be. Because if a beautiful woman has chosen you, it is proof that you have value as a man. In other words, the drive to become romantically entangled with beautiful women is more about insecurity than anything else. And women can smell insecurity like shit on a shoe. Of course you feel insecure that she really likes you -- because you don't actually like her. What you like is that a high value woman is validating your very existence. Which leads me to the second problem. You're deriving your sense of your own worth from other people. And it's impossible to be consistently happy when other people have control of your happiness. When a woman tells you you're not being man enough -- she's giving you a precious gift -- once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right. You're probably not very decisive. Women like to be able to make decisions big and small -- but they hate hate hate to have to be the one to make decisions. You absolutely must take that burden off their shoulders. So next time your partner asks where you want to go for dinner -- immediately make a decision and answer. Then be prepared to negotiate because she probably had something in mind when she asked the question in the first place. And they pay very close attention to where you fall in the pecking order among other men. So if you want to be "man enough" you've got to face other men with confidence and courage (I don't mean fighting -- that's the refuge of the tragically insecure). A book that might be helpful in this area is "the way of the superior man". You can't shrink from conflict. You have to face it head on and deal with it gently. You see, it is only possible to be gentle if you're powerful. Otherwise, it's just weakness. And this world absolutely will not abide you being weak. You're not allowed. A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for. And likewise, we men are meant to have uncomfortable lives. A man is safe when he avoids conflicts, but that's not what men are for. hth |