Ask HN: Investor Animated Video – draft critiques wanted

[craigm26]

Hi all, the thing I'm building is very complex and I have a difficult time simplifying it for potential investors and customers. Yes, I know a lot of people wouldn't say this is a MVP. To me this is. The point is to provide a better social network that is ad-free, allows for anonymous use (and free), encrypted group voice chat/messaging, calendaring, mapping and some AI magic for interrupting the social flow (safety and efficiency). It's targeting women in social/sporting clubs that travel together. How can I really grab audience attention with a short pitch on this?

I made a simplified animated video (draft form) to help explain what it is. Any feedback and definitely suggestions for a simple "what it is" line to catch investors' attention would be super helpful. Thanks! And I understand this might be brutal, so please be honest.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/e8zm79m566wnftg/11.mov?dl=0

[craigm26]

https://www.dropbox.com/s/b23t3u0l4o4y8eb/13.mov?dl=0

[sharemywin]

Start with a simple question...

Do you want ....? Do you need ....?

Then say with XYZ you can .... , just [Call to Action]

Put that in front of people if people don't bite on it they don't care...find something they do.

[craigm26]

So in your formatted suggestion:

"Do you want the ability to switch between voice chat, messaging, map directions, and calendars seamlessly with just using your voice while travelling?

Do you need that ability to enhance your awareness while travelling?

With Cavalcade, you can! Just download the app and form a cavalcade with your friends with just your phone number"

----That works a lot. I'll try that one. Thanks!