[HCIdivision17]

I'll be frank: I am quite possibly alive today due to guilt that family would inherit a burdensome debt. There is something sublimely lousy about wanting a way out so badly and yet even that isn't an option.

Wanting to commit suicide has been likened to being in a trapped building: no one really wants to die, but jumping out under your own terms now sure seems better than burning alive slowly.

And then you go and find the damn window is jammed and you're really trapped because even suicide is not an option.

That's how I felt. And it turned out ok. (Not great, but really anywhere is up :) I certainly don't and didn't feel the same as you for the same reasons - totally different life and brain chemistry, I bet - but the algebra works out the same. Stay alive and endure a bit longer, and maybe you'll find something that helps you cope and get a handle on things. The cool game-theoretic bit is that this is always valid. It's always worth putting off suicide longer, every moment of every day. You can die and end with naught (or in your faith that's a pretty brutal negative), or you can risk a few years more and still end for naught OR something positive. It doesn't even need to be very positive. Just beat the trivial null case of no-more-life and you come out ahead. Do that for a couple days, a couple months, put it off for a few years, and maybe the habit of wanting to live sticks.

And hey - video games are great. They keep me distracted, my friends in touch, and they're only getting better (despite what the old curmudgeons say). Stick around for a few years to at least see where the consumer VR stuff goes. Could be worth the wait ;)