[smoyer]

I'm pretty sure that I don't have depression but I've certainly felt "stuck". The responsibility of raising a family can be a heavy load - and a responsible father feels that weight. An irresponsible father doesn't feel the weight and it has little bearing on his decisions. Kudos for being a real dad - you'll imprint important life lessons on your daughters whether you realize it or not. My eldest daughter (almost 23) recently told me that she's only now realizing how much I sacrificed to make my family a safe and nurturing place for my kids.

In any case, when I feel "stuck", I look at specifically what's making me unhappy and what would make me happy. Then I form a long-term plan. You may not be able to quit your current work today, but what would it take to move into something you find rewarding. It might mean life-style changes: Got a car payment? Replace it with a beater you don't owe money on (my beater is really really nice but was a simple cash transaction).

I'd also caution you that you can't naturally work the long hours you're describing as a permanent schedule. You will burn out and/or your body will give out whether you have depression or not. If you're not exercising some minimum amount and you're not eating a healthy diet, that will also lower the threshold at which you give out.

I'm not a doctor or even a therapist - you should find one to talk with. I have however had joyless periods in my worklife, so please take my advice above with the understanding that you actually have two problems ... your depression is one and your lifestyle is the other. They will potentially exacerbate each other.

My email address is in my profile - feel free to correspond if you're interested in talking about the work related problems you're experiencing. Again, I'm not qualified to counsel you on the depression you're feeling. I've been in this industry for over 30 years, so you probably won't surprise me. Also notice my profile lists my family as my priority - they provide grounding for my work life.

Hope to hear from you ... and happy Easter.

P.S. I've got some job openings if you decide you need to make a work change. Perhaps there's something that matches your skills.

[samstave]

Thank you for this comment. As a father of 3, I know the feel of the load, but its important to note that it also needs to be a partnership to succeed - no single person can carry the load of several children alone.

Also, your site is down...

[smoyer]

I completely agree ... my wife is indeed my partner and I can't imagine life without her. Picking the right partner makes a big difference too!

WRT my site(s) ... I lost a server to hackers due to a RoR exploit (I was only running Redmine). As patio11 advises, don't use RoR unless you're willing to dedicate yourself to understanding how to keep it secure. I'm in the process of converting the content to markdown to be processed with a static code generator. I've got some old writing on CodeSnipers (Keith Casey's mid-2000s experiment) - http://codesnipers.com/?q=blog/steve-moyer

[studentrob]

Whoa best comment right here! Sorry I know I'm not adding anything substantive. I just think this guy is super friendly.

[smoyer]

It might be the longest comment on this thread, but those who added their comments and have fought through depression themselves offer a far more compelling argument that the OP should a) seek help and b) can beat this condition. The reality is that the "career advice" I offered is what I would offer to anyone who chronically over-worked themselves.

I hope I'm friendly (in general). I like this community because you can be friendly and still disagree - debate is different from argument and I often learn something even from those I disagree with. If you look through my comments you'll find instances where I revert to "that Internet jerk", but hopefully they're a pretty small percentage.

[studentrob]

Haha well nobody's perfect. I like this community because it moderates the jokes and non-substantive comments. I know I will find serious discussion on HN.