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by jorgecurio
3736 days ago
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I get frequent suicidal ideations. It's always like when I'm overhwlemed and upset, it just goes from angry --> sad --> suicide --> planning but I never go through with it. It's impossible for me to do it. So I just take it as my way of coping...with self destructive fantasies. I think studying Eastern philosophy, buddhism and taoism will help people on spectrum gain a much more rational and scientific view on reality. Anyways, sure is a struggle, especially with people, relationships, intimacy, everything is that much more difficult but you know I just think like people have different skills, people on autistic spectrum are off the scale in one area but equally unable in many other areas that normal people will have no issues with. |
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I sometimes do suicidal ideations, but then the part of me that is usually being like "hey, you can't have fun and enjoy yourself, because ten years ago someone you didn't know very well said bad shit about you" (ahh, depression, my old friend), is like "you committing suicide isn't the answer... them committing is a more acceptable answer."
And, well, that part of me is right. If you're that big of a pile of shit to attack people based on their disabilities, well, society doesn't really need you, and you're representative of the cancer that is killing society.
And, for a while, I'm okay again. The depression goes away, and I start functioning half way decent again.
I will say, though, 200mg of Theanine twice daily with a strong cup of coffee (and only one, let's not get into caffeine obsession), one an ~hour after I wake up, one about 6-8 hours later, powers me through the day and shuts that part of me up.